ANNOUNCING THE ROAST OF KULPIMS! Saturday Feb 20.
The time has come again for we, the jesting crew, to pay tribute take the piss out of one of our own. This time up it's our Gay Trekkie Roman, aka Kulpims!
Why do we pay him this honour you might ask? Is it because of some extraordinary contribution he's made to the community here? Has the man fought heroically in some war overseas? Is he celebrated in the intellectual community for his witty repartee in debating the great moral and political philosophers of our time? NO I say! The reason we give him this great honour is that his name was on the list!!!
I've sifted (so to speak) through his videos and comments for insight into his personality, but came up with nothing but small brown nuggets- very much like the Lincoln Logs I used to find buried in my backyard sandbox as a child. At least I hope they were Lincoln Logs. Some interesting statistics though... He's sifted 507 videos with 12,146 votes received. This translates to a weighted average of a very low 23.9 votes per video. This means that, basically nobody gives a shit what the man posts, except his sock puppet Choggie
. http://www.videosift.com/member/kulpims/published
Looking through Roman's comments you'll notice that he communicates mostly through a series of guttural noises generated deep in his diaphragm, and a series of clicks and whistles which are almost inaudible to the human ear. If you can decipher those look here: http://www.videosift.com/usercomments/kulpims.
So... we expect the usual gang of idiots to vomit their wisdom and wit all over these hallowed halls here at Parody Talk. The Roast will start as soon as I haul my hung-over ass out of the sack, promptly at the crack of 2:00 pm Pacific! It's my birthday the night before, and if you think I'm arriving any earlier than that, you're crazy!
See you here crew!
-The RoastMASTER!
Why do we pay him this honour you might ask? Is it because of some extraordinary contribution he's made to the community here? Has the man fought heroically in some war overseas? Is he celebrated in the intellectual community for his witty repartee in debating the great moral and political philosophers of our time? NO I say! The reason we give him this great honour is that his name was on the list!!!
I've sifted (so to speak) through his videos and comments for insight into his personality, but came up with nothing but small brown nuggets- very much like the Lincoln Logs I used to find buried in my backyard sandbox as a child. At least I hope they were Lincoln Logs. Some interesting statistics though... He's sifted 507 videos with 12,146 votes received. This translates to a weighted average of a very low 23.9 votes per video. This means that, basically nobody gives a shit what the man posts, except his sock puppet Choggie
. http://www.videosift.com/member/kulpims/publishedLooking through Roman's comments you'll notice that he communicates mostly through a series of guttural noises generated deep in his diaphragm, and a series of clicks and whistles which are almost inaudible to the human ear. If you can decipher those look here: http://www.videosift.com/usercomments/kulpims.
So... we expect the usual gang of idiots to vomit their wisdom and wit all over these hallowed halls here at Parody Talk. The Roast will start as soon as I haul my hung-over ass out of the sack, promptly at the crack of 2:00 pm Pacific! It's my birthday the night before, and if you think I'm arriving any earlier than that, you're crazy!
See you here crew!
-The RoastMASTER!
16 Comments
dotdudeFor the benefit of those who are unfamiliar with our roasts, here are the twelve roasts that have gone before.
CAUTION: Some links in roast threads are NSFW!
Roast I: choggie
Roast II: MycroftHolmz
Roast III: karaidl
Roast IV: MINK
Roast V: dotdude
Roast VI: thesnipe
Roast VII: Doc_M
Roast VIII: Zifnab
Roast IX: Obsidianfire
Roast X: rasch187
Roast XI: blankfist
Roast XII: NeuralNoise
Should you decide to participate, remember that your name goes into the hat for the next roast selection process.
berticusoh man! you're off to a fucking amazing start by calling him gay!
that shit is always fucking hilarious!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
kulpimsI'm not gay, I'm bisexual. I thought we cleared that the other night when you were groping my mantits, blankman (or do you still insist on calling you Pauline?)
anyway, folks, I hope you won't bore me to death. be there or be a rectangular thingy
thinker247Berticus, I'm with you when someone puts a post that is obviously mocking homosexuality into the gay channel, or when a comment is directed at someone doing something stupid and it's called gay. However, I don't think TRB meant anything by it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm Spartacus. Why don't you ask therealblankman why he wrote it? Let's dialogue!
thinker247Re: Kulpims
If a thinker thinks and a painter paints, do fingers fing?
Re: Everyone else
That, along with the brick of weed, should keep him busy through the roast.
blankfistCool beans! I'm gonna bring the hilarious rape!
therealblankmanPasted below are Roman's responses to our Roast Quiz. The RoastMASTER's commentary appears in parentheses.
My real name is Roman Novak. I'm from Europe, Slovenia (we don't know what cheetos are), but I'll try to answer your stupid questions as best as I can.
1.What do you, do most of the day when you are not lounging, but not on the computer?
Roman: Mostly I do nothing or as little as possible. I watch tv shows, movies, read books and smoke weed. When I become bored of that I go outside and get drunk at a pub. In the summertime I ride mountain bikes. I don't like winter or winter sports much
2.Who are you more fond of?
A..Mother
B.McDonalds
C.Beer
D.Technical Assistance
E. Dairy Products
F.All of the above
G.None (kill them all)
Roman: Kill'em all, leave the beer.
3. How many pairs of shoes as opposed to matching undergarments.... boxers or briefs
Roman: weird question. (editor: no shit, what were you thinking Choggie?) I'd say 1 shoe for 10 underpants. there
4.mac or pc?
Roman: pc. or at least hackintosh
5. Who’s your guru?
Roman: I don't have guru's, but there are a few people I love and would buy beer for them. mostly writers I like, movie directors, scientists and people who make me laugh.
6.Bush or No Bush?
Roman: I don't care
7.sprinkles, gravy, or cherry on top?
Roman: gravy ( Ass gravy, of course)
8.tits, ass, or legs.
Roman: face first, gotta be cute. tits are not a priority, but a fine ass is a must. also, i hate fankles
9.supine or prostrate?
Roman: i sleep on my back if that's what u mean (It’s not, but whatever. You have to cut the guy a little slack for his ESL handicap)
10. cat, dog or other
Roman: dog, i guess. not really a pet person
11. Car, bike, public transit, walking or motorcycle?
Roman: bike first, then car (I don't own one for past 3-4 years now)
12.time, newsweek or USNews and World Report?
Roman: i get my news from Stephen Colbert (like every good Videosifter)
13.beer preference?
Roman: Laško (slovenian), Heineken
14.Religion: Protestant, Catholic, Muslim, Atheist,Agnostic,Jedi?
Roman: no religion (Again, like everybody here at Videosift)
15.Ever arrested?
Roman: not actually arrested, I was charged a couple of times, most were drug related, couple of fights, and theft once - which I was innocent of and proved it in court, too. (I guess the definition of “arrested” is different in Slovenia than in North America)
16.cheetos: crunchy or puffs?
Roman: crunchy
17.dog or cat person?
Roman: look at 10 (holy double post, batman!)
18.bangs, balding or rug?
Roman: bangs
19.five most cherished possessions
Roman: possesions ... my bike, i guess. my computer. I'm not really attached to material things (+ I don't have many so it's kinda meaningless question for me) and mementos don't do much for me either. every few years I throw ever4ything away and start over
20.clean shaven, beard, goatee or moustache
Roman: beard (it only tickles for a little while)
21. Desert Island albums?
Roman: hard to decide. something jazzy, definetly (sic)
22. Pro gay marriage, or agin?
Roman: do whatever the fuck you want, is my motto. just don't piss on other people
23. Communicable diseases... be honest
Roman: never ever. besides, I hardly have sex any more except with myself (no wonder he fits in so well here, plus he gives amazing backrubs)
choggie>> ^thinker247:
Berticus, I'm with you when someone puts a post that is obviously mocking homosexuality into the gay channel, or when a comment is directed at someone doing something stupid and it's called gay. However, I don't think TRB meant anything by it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm Spartacus. Why don't you ask therealblankman why he wrote it? Let's dialogue!
*brown-nosing
siftbotBrown-nosing is not a valid invocation.
therealblankmanTo answer everyone's enduring question regarding why I called Kulpims a "Gay Trekkie" have a look at his avatar. Come on now, rainbow toques on Warf, Riker and Picard? There was absolutely no offense intended against Kulpims, nor did I intend any slur regarding homosexuality.
If any offense was given, I apologize. It was strictly a reference to the rainbow toques.
That and the fact the brother takes it up the ass.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
>> ^choggie:
>> ^thinker247:
Berticus, I'm with you when someone puts a post that is obviously mocking homosexuality into the gay channel, or when a comment is directed at someone doing something stupid and it's called gay. However, I don't think TRB meant anything by it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm Spartacus. Why don't you ask therealblankman why he wrote it? Let's dialogue!
brown-nosing
>> ^berticus:
oh man! you're off to a fucking amazing start by calling him gay!
that shit is always fucking hilarious!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
gwiz665>> ^berticus:
oh man! you're off to a fucking amazing start by calling him gay!
that shit is always fucking hilarious!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
gay.
gwiz665In other news, I'm gonna stay out of this. I know Roman relatively well, and I don't want to bring him down more than he is. He's a sensitive soul, so don't you guys be too hard on him - he might break.
There there, roman, *hugs*. You're my friend and I'll never want to hurt you.
therealblankmanAfter my last comment, all of a sudden this thread is a little *nsfw.
Seriously folks... it's a roast and it's all in good fun- pretty much anything is fair comment. If you can't take it, stay the hell away. A good roast isn't for the easilly offended or the faint of heart. Let's not get too carried away in this thread, though. The roast itself is tomorrow afternoon- save your good material for then.
Goodness knows, we should have enough ammunition against this guy.
kulpimscome on, guys and gals. i'm such a pathetic person you won't have a hard job making me look like a tool. except gwiz, of course, who already found an excuse for not being funny. try harder, will ya
blankfistSo when is this shit party gonna start? I'm ready to take a personal dump on the nose of this motherfucker.
therealblankmanThe Roast of Kulpims is now live... http://parody.videosift.com/talk/IT-S-ON-BROTHERS-AND-SISTERS-KULPIMS-GETS-WHAT-S-COMING.
DON'T DISAPPOINT US, VIDEOSIFT! Anyone who posts lovey-dovey BS will be nominated by the RoastMASTER for bannination!
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