Welcome one and all to the videosift roast! Tonight we have a special treat as tonight's roastee is currently the Ranked Number #1 Zifnab!
What can be said about Zifnab that hasn't been said yet? (That is what we are going to find out...) He is a man who has contributed alot to the sift, and is likely to be the 2nd person to get their crown... That goes to show you that this guy doesn't have much of a life, especially since 1000 of his votes have been thanks to Zero Puncuation and beating everyone to posting it week after week...
As always, as my role as MC, I got to send Zifnab the famous Videosift Questionaire in hopes that he would reveal his darkest secrets to us so that we can exploit them... Here was the review!
1. What do you do when you are not at the computer?
Spend time with my family, read, play badminton, play volleyball, play pool, watch hockey.
2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
hmm Tough one, I'd have to say these two:
Fry's 100 cups of coffee
My favorite Futurama bit.
Hockey Player Hit Through the glass.
Because I was at that game and I remember it fondly.
3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
I've had 6 so far. First dragon, second dragon, Gandalf for a change, dracolich for the Fortnight of Fright, Dragon Yin-Yang (didn't last too long), and my current dragon.
4. What non-self-involved site do you visit most often?
There's more to the interwebs than the sift?? Proably Slashdot and TSN.
5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?
Nope, I'd just go back in time to when it was clean.
6. What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
umm I'd guess 1:10. I don't go counting my underwear very often.
7. Is that underwear boxer, brief, or birthday?
Brief.
8. Do you run a Mac OS, Windows, or Linux?
Windows and Linux when I can.
9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness , or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?
Presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data.
10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?
Ice cream topping, hmmm don't eat too much of it, I'd have to say strawberries.
Spice, Fresh ground pepper.
11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
Yes.
12. What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).
15 un-named fish.
13. What kind of pelt(s) do you have? Include name(s).
Fred.
14. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Hot and Sour
15. What is your most frequented source of news?
Radio while I drive in to work.
16. What is your beverage (poison) of choice?
Fresh squeezed orange juice (Yes I'm boring, I don't drink alchohol).
17. Have you ever been arrested?
Nope
18. What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?
I just try to be friendly and chat with people.
19. How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?
Balding.
20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?
Clean-shaven
21. List your five most cherished possessions.
Family pictures, Wedding Ring, Pool Table, Autographed Trevor Linden jersey (see hockey vid above), Computer
22. What religion, if any, did you practice as a child?
None.
23. What about now?
None.
24. What is your favorite memory?
My son's birth and my wedding day.
25. What was your favorite childhood television show?
Knight Rider
26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?
Contemporary
27. What is a reason not to go to Burning Man?
As cool as it is, it's not my type of crowd.
28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?
mlx (She is missed)
29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?
Maybe...
30. What goal to you have while a Videosift member?
To take over the sift and rule with an iron thumb! Or at least get a crown...
31. Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?
Originality and sense of humor.
32. Who started calling you the “Dark Lord of Videosift”?
MycroftHomlz when he called me out for a sifquisition when I hit 20,000 votes. He also has a very strange playlist dedicated to me and yahtzee...
33. Do people seem to take shots at you because you’re the number one man?
Most of the shots seem to be over my posting of Zero Punctuation reviews and the number of votes they consistently get...
34. Do you blame Canada?
Yes and I'm glad
35. Are you a lover or a fighter?
Lover
36. Do you have room for an apprentice, O Dark Lord?
I'll accept applications, but be warned the path to the dark side is surprisingly easy.
37. How do you feel about Zero Punctuation? (Since you have posted the majority of the videos)
I really enjoy Zero Punctuation reviews, they still haven't gotten old for me. I laugh every time, if I didn't enjoy them I wouldn't sift them no matter how many votes I thought they'd get.
38. Who do you respect the most on videosift?
I'd still have to say mlx, but since she's not active anymore it would be krupo and firefly.
39. Do you consider yourself emotional?
A little bit, I don't get emotional very often.
40. Why am I asking so many questions?
To make it seem like you are doing your job.
There you have it... a Family man who cares about other people and members on the boards and blames his country for no reason...
Alright then... Ladies and Gentlemen! Let the Roast commence! Remember... You have about 2-3 hours before the Roastee Zifnab takes a shot at all the people who took a whack at him...
edit: Whoops... I just been informed that the roasts last for about 24-48 hours... sorry, but then again more time to roast right?
What can be said about Zifnab that hasn't been said yet? (That is what we are going to find out...) He is a man who has contributed alot to the sift, and is likely to be the 2nd person to get their crown... That goes to show you that this guy doesn't have much of a life, especially since 1000 of his votes have been thanks to Zero Puncuation and beating everyone to posting it week after week...
As always, as my role as MC, I got to send Zifnab the famous Videosift Questionaire in hopes that he would reveal his darkest secrets to us so that we can exploit them... Here was the review!
1. What do you do when you are not at the computer?
Spend time with my family, read, play badminton, play volleyball, play pool, watch hockey.
2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
hmm Tough one, I'd have to say these two:
Fry's 100 cups of coffee
My favorite Futurama bit.
Hockey Player Hit Through the glass.
Because I was at that game and I remember it fondly.
3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
I've had 6 so far. First dragon, second dragon, Gandalf for a change, dracolich for the Fortnight of Fright, Dragon Yin-Yang (didn't last too long), and my current dragon.
4. What non-self-involved site do you visit most often?
There's more to the interwebs than the sift?? Proably Slashdot and TSN.
5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?
Nope, I'd just go back in time to when it was clean.
6. What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
umm I'd guess 1:10. I don't go counting my underwear very often.
7. Is that underwear boxer, brief, or birthday?
Brief.
8. Do you run a Mac OS, Windows, or Linux?
Windows and Linux when I can.
9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness , or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?
Presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data.
10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?
Ice cream topping, hmmm don't eat too much of it, I'd have to say strawberries.
Spice, Fresh ground pepper.
11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
Yes.
12. What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).
15 un-named fish.
13. What kind of pelt(s) do you have? Include name(s).
Fred.
14. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Hot and Sour
15. What is your most frequented source of news?
Radio while I drive in to work.
16. What is your beverage (poison) of choice?
Fresh squeezed orange juice (Yes I'm boring, I don't drink alchohol).
17. Have you ever been arrested?
Nope
18. What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?
I just try to be friendly and chat with people.
19. How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?
Balding.
20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?
Clean-shaven
21. List your five most cherished possessions.
Family pictures, Wedding Ring, Pool Table, Autographed Trevor Linden jersey (see hockey vid above), Computer
22. What religion, if any, did you practice as a child?
None.
23. What about now?
None.
24. What is your favorite memory?
My son's birth and my wedding day.
25. What was your favorite childhood television show?
Knight Rider
26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?
Contemporary
27. What is a reason not to go to Burning Man?
As cool as it is, it's not my type of crowd.
28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?
mlx (She is missed)
29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?
Maybe...
30. What goal to you have while a Videosift member?
To take over the sift and rule with an iron thumb! Or at least get a crown...
31. Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?
Originality and sense of humor.
32. Who started calling you the “Dark Lord of Videosift”?
MycroftHomlz when he called me out for a sifquisition when I hit 20,000 votes. He also has a very strange playlist dedicated to me and yahtzee...
33. Do people seem to take shots at you because you’re the number one man?
Most of the shots seem to be over my posting of Zero Punctuation reviews and the number of votes they consistently get...
34. Do you blame Canada?
Yes and I'm glad
35. Are you a lover or a fighter?
Lover
36. Do you have room for an apprentice, O Dark Lord?
I'll accept applications, but be warned the path to the dark side is surprisingly easy.
37. How do you feel about Zero Punctuation? (Since you have posted the majority of the videos)
I really enjoy Zero Punctuation reviews, they still haven't gotten old for me. I laugh every time, if I didn't enjoy them I wouldn't sift them no matter how many votes I thought they'd get.
38. Who do you respect the most on videosift?
I'd still have to say mlx, but since she's not active anymore it would be krupo and firefly.
39. Do you consider yourself emotional?
A little bit, I don't get emotional very often.
40. Why am I asking so many questions?
To make it seem like you are doing your job.
There you have it... a Family man who cares about other people and members on the boards and blames his country for no reason...
Alright then... Ladies and Gentlemen! Let the Roast commence! Remember... You have about 2-3 hours before the Roastee Zifnab takes a shot at all the people who took a whack at him...
edit: Whoops... I just been informed that the roasts last for about 24-48 hours... sorry, but then again more time to roast right?
New participants are reminded that their names will go into the pool for the next roast.
*scurries away to continue research*
2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
hmm Tough one, I'd have to say these two:
Fry's 100 cups of coffee
My favorite Futurama bit.
Hockey Player Hit Through the glass.
Because I was at that game and I remember it fondly.
3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
I've had 6 so far. First dragon, second dragon, Gandalf for a change, dracolich for the Fortnight of Fright, Dragon Yin-Yang (didn't last too long), and my current dragon.
32. Who started calling you the “Dark Lord of Videosift”?
MycroftHomlz when he called me out for a sifquisition when I hit 20,000 votes. He also has a very strange playlist dedicated to me and yahtzee...
Now. Bring on the roast!
fly-by dragon bombings must be at least a million times worse than a pigeon's.
Zifnab: does anyone even believe in him anymore. He's like a amusing relic from a more superstitious time, forgotten by time, just like the mythical dragons he holds so dear in his heart.
Dark Lord, Dork Lord, Lord of Lard, whatever. Maybe you should hang out with these guys. They'll accept you for who you are.
Y'know Zifnab is so nice......simply can't find an obnoxious thing to throw at him.....here Mr. Friendly, orchid petals on yer 1000-count sheets, and a dozen baby bunnies to wipe yer ass with, you can do no wrong....Hey, I know??!! Let's all vote for zifnab's stuff, because we have allll been groomed by adverts to obey-"See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!" "See zifnab post, vote zifnab post!"
...the mantra of the wannabe-
How to party with him??? Canadian???...Hmmmm-Problem. Maybe wait for a (cringe) joke???
He may say something clever....he's good at sucking every clever video up, and pasting his name onnit, before the others can get their game controllers out their hands, or their fingers off the same 12 buttons on their PC keyboards....the others here being the bulk of the Sift's users, all his loyal, robot fans.....
Top dog, got too much geek to be cool, and just enough cool to make coffee, .....Please, keep putting dragons up.....(picturing pasty dweeb at retro-comic con with vit/min deficiency...)
back inna while- find some dirt for your white trousers.....
Those cardboard wings with crayon-drawn scales and Christmas tree light costumes are expensive though, so Zifnab maintains a side-job as a body artist. Revel in the beauty of his latest work.
[edit] oops, Kuga beat me to it! (dang!)
":
I have been on the sift for a while now, and my main goal is to become one of the higher ranked members... Please be sure to check out the best of Personal Queue playlist to get some videos sifted..."
Guess he could do this in several ways, but the quickest way, of course, is to follow # 1 to the bathroom, and check hygeine habits.....NO!WAIT!!!! BAD IDEA-
oR YOU COULD DO LIKE ZIFFY HERE, INSECT-LIKE....EFFICIENT...TASK ORIENTED...DEDICATED AS IF DRIVEN BY SOME .... oh sorry, caps....as if summoned by some urge or impulse, implanted in the code.....
or like me, I like someone I fuck with them till they hit me or fuck my brains out or live with me for so lomg they simply deal, because the alternatives boggle the feeeeeeblist of half-wits.......
Carry on ya wannabees........especially you mealy-mouthed snipes that still have or just lost yer P's(ssth' fukkin females now....)....SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!??????
*sprays Lysol, one can in each hand*
Now I turn to my copy of Dr. Ernest Drake’s Dragonology: the Complete Book of Dragons. I found a map of the world that identifies the various dragon and serpent species and their lands of origin. Focusing on North America I found the American ampithere (Draco americanus tex). This particular species is from the prairie and steppe regions of the continent. It is typically covered in green fur, has no legs and has moth-like wings. It hunts buffalo and other large mammals. A full grown adult is typically 45 feet long and five to ten feet high. It will attack with flaming breath, tail lashing and constriction. The expected lifespan of this kind of dragon is 250 years.
Now I will focus upon our fire-breathing dragon-avatared sifter Zifnab. Apparently he’s only given us part of his sordid story. Several of his disgruntled royal servants have come forth since a “flame ‘n’ tell” book project has promised large sums of money. The book is due out this fall.
Zifnab’s personal chef has shed some light on Zifnab’s fixation with pepper. Unfortunately for the chef, all dishes become blackened at the royal dinner table. This most probably explains Zifnab’s reluctance to consume his ice cream turned soup. Sometimes the chef will cater to Zifnab’s love of strawberries by making Strawberries Flambé.
His personal valet has yet to grow back his eyebrows. According to the valet, Zifnab’s current baldness is the result of a recent hay fever attack. The royal tailor has given up on creating colorful royal vestments. Instead he simply sticks to black materials so that scorched spots are not as noticeable.
One anonymous source did send me a YouTube video to explain the pelt known as Fred. This individual told me that I would understand Fred’s fate better once I had watched it.
The fire department no longer responds to emergency calls from Zifnab’s castle.
Thus I will conclude here. I wouldn’t want this to just DRAG ON . . .
And what's with the dragon avatars? I haven't seen that many flamers since Richard Simmons went to the Castro District with a Catholic priest.
I don't want to say that dragons are gay, but I once saw Puff the magic dragon at a restaurant with Liza Minelli.
Anyway, enough about the gay dragons. Let's get to what I really know about Zifnab.
...
Anyway, that was my time. I want to thank Zifnab for being such a good roast. I hope he doesn't return the favor, or I may just have Mothra fight him.
maswithnumbers say's this, in it's personal profile...
":
I have been on the sift for a while now, and my main goal is to become one of the higher ranked members... Please be sure to check out the best of Personal Queue playlist to get some videos sifted..."
Guess he could do this in several ways, but the quickest way, of course, is to follow # 1 to the bathroom, and check hygeine habits.....NO!WAIT!!!! BAD IDEA-
I didn't recall the MC being the target during this roast... While I want to be the one of the higher ranked members, I would perfer to do it without having to drag Zifnab down from his position to do so...
But thank you for promoting the Best of Personal Queue playlist...
Snoozeworthy roast so far....
Also, here’s a full written explanation (NSFW) behind the tattoo work Kuga and Firefly have mentioned. You probably did not want to know, but you’ve only seen half of the tattoo.
What can I say old chum? You don't drink. You play badminton. You wear briefs. You have a freakin dragon avatar. You also apparently have a whole legion of people who worship you on here you demonic despot...
There is just too much pressure to slam you with a zinger, I guess it can wait-
I am sure I will come up with something when I see you at the Star Trek convention next week.
http://parody.videosift.com/playlists/MycroftHomlz/Proof-Zifnab-3-Yahtzee
Oh, I know stuff.
TRUE: Zif loves the badminton and the volleyball. He's also really shitty at both and thinks he tries the better he'll get. Just like the time he broke his #$%^in' ankle! Your serve! Yeesh.
FALSE: There is a chain hanging on his dragon tattooed dangle.
TRUE: Sorry, there's no chain --and I really wish he hadn't shown me.
TRUE: His pool table has a massive Pink Floyd Division Bell poster hanging by it. As soon as Zif's losing a game of pool, he turns on the blinky red lights in the eyes to distract his opponent.
TRUE: He cheats at everything, the bastard.
FALSE: He's a furry freak.
TRUE: He's LARPer and he's the one on the left http://www.fasthack.com/images/weblog/2007/01/dnd-cosplay-2.jpg
FALSE: He slams his phone down at the office after every phone call.
TRUE: He ends every phone call with "yeah, with YOUR MOM!"
FALSE: He's balding.
TRUE: He shaves.....eeeeevvvveeerrrryyyywhere.
FALSE: He laughs maniacally when people nuke fish in the microwave in the office kitchen (oh, the smell!!)
TRUE: He laughs maniacally when the guy next to him in the office says 'pork'. Seriously, WTF?
FALSE: His favorite winter sport is hockey.
TRUE: His favorite winter sport is women's curling (thanks to me introducing him to the great Kelley Law.... on her hands and knees... screaming "HARDER!" Awesome. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/46/Kelleylaw.jpg/200px-Kelleylaw.jpg
FALSE: Zif is Canadian and proud of it.
TRUE: Zif was born in Seattle, but loves to say 'aboot'.
But seriously, congrats on the roast here, Ziffy. Can't wait until you change your phone greeting to "That's what she said!"
Dick.
^This is Zifnab's favorite part of the Zifnab-Yhatzee collective...
>> ^Bleedingsnowman:
Dark Lord, Dork Lord, Lord of Lard, whatever. Maybe you should hang out with these guys. They'll accept you for who you are.
think about that.
nuff said.
Now that the truth is out, I'd like to apologize to everyone for posting all those annoyingly trite Zero Punctuation videos. Even I don't find them funny. Five minutes of stream of conscience blathering from an indignant Brit. But enough about deputydog. I'm a Canuck with a fondness for Monty Python. That means my taste in comedy is about as relevant as Canada itself. Did I mention our flag has a leaf on it? No? Well that's probably because anything about Canada isn't worth mentioning. Our number one export is maple syrup. That's a country legacy to be proud of!
But, look at me now. I'm ranked number one on VideoSift. That's like winning a two person beauty contest against Choggie: yeah, you're technically the winner, but somehow your low expectations still makes you a loser.
so, zif, i hate to tear the facade away, but we know perfectly well why you're obsessed with red dragons.
how are grandma's dentures fitting, these days?
He drinks like a girl. (No offense thepinky!)
It's a roast. Stop flirting.
ng.....
On the other hairy palm, zifnab is the absolute champ when it comes to eradicating the content of banned users. And my, how important his work is. Not allowing those spammers to disgrace us with their trite and useless tags, we are given the relaxing comfort of "banned, redacted" at every turn. Thanks dude. You rule. Hairy palms.
Now put down the mouse -- it's just a pointing device, not a sex toy.
kronosposeidon - Consider my wares pimped.
Don_Juan - It sounds like you are speaking from experience.
Laura - Pigeon's are like bugs on a windshield.
Bleedingsnowman - Remember the lesson of every cheesy B-Grade fantasy movie that you hold so dear, powerful relics from the past will always come back to power.
schmawy - Smart answer
choggie - I expected more, a queue down-voting spree before the roast started was all you could muster 'eh? I know you secretly tried to immigrate to Canada and you were denied entrance, better luck next time.
Kuga - I don't want to think of the google queries you were using to find that tattoo...
Obsidianfire - A doodie head? Are you 12?
firefly - You and Kuga share the same google-fu 'eh?
dotdude - You did just DRAG ON
thinker247 - What were you on when you were at a restaurant seeing dragons with old acresses?
MrFisk - You could do better than that...
MycroftHomlz - I'm pretty sure you are a stalker, seek help.
shanedawg2k7 - Care for a wager on a game of badminton?
MINK - Jealousy...
blankfist - You wish you were my sockpuppet, I turned you down enough times already.
jonny - Banned, Redacted
mas8705 - Thanks for agreeing to be the MC, next time read the rules first
Thanks for coming out everyone!
*unsticky
Post cannot be unstickied by Zifnab because it is was stickied an admin - ignoring unsticky request by Zifnab.
Well sifty, I didn't expect you to get in on the action. Don't make me use the *meltedbucket invocation....
*unsticky
*roast
Is Siftbot coming down with the Dubya virus?
>> ^siftbot:
Post cannot be unstickied by kronosposeidon because it is was stickied an admin - ignoring unsticky request by kronosposeidon.