Bienvenida, siftalites, to the third randomly scheduled “Sift-lebrity Roast”. For an undecided length of time, we will slow roast karaidl underground like the dirty swine he wishes he were.
Before we start, I think I should point out some subjects he is sensitive about and should be avoided:
1. His strong sexual affinity for morbidly obese black men. (they call him “kebab” at the neighborhood barbecues)
2. His extreme allergy to vaginas. He can’t look at them, can’t smell them, he can’t even think about them without going completely flacid…he’s currently undergoing treatment so this issue is a little “touchy” for him
Other than that he’s fair game.
Since, I don’t want to leave you all in the dark here is some background on the roastee:
Karaidl was born “mid-kick” from the mangled womb of the star performer in a popular transsexual cancan dance group in Vegas. Being 63 years of age at the time of his birth and with his father being feral goat tied to the back of a 87’ chevy pickup, his mother found money hard to come by so karaidl’s childhood was no walk in the park. He was raised on a diet of stepped-on peanut shells and half eaten deli pickles left behind by patrons of the bed & breakfast his mother ran from their one bedroom apartment. He never knew why she got to sleep in the same bedroom as the guests while he had to sleep on the piss-soaked carpet in the living room.
Through all of this adversity, karaidl has kept a great outlook on life. He has now conquered tasks that one might deem impossible for him. Tasks like tying his own shoes, brushing his teeth with a toothbrush instead of a pillow and he's making great progress in his struggle to distinguish the difference between the color “blue” and the sound of a bus. What I respect him for the most out of anything is the love he has for his family and extended family. He's especially close, and a major influence, to his mentally challenged niece. He actually asked me to link you all to a picture of her
Despite his colorful past and slow emotional development, Karaidl has always found time to bore us with his dumb conspiracy theories and other amphigory. So let’s all bust his balls despite the fact they have yet to drop.
Before we start, I think I should point out some subjects he is sensitive about and should be avoided:
1. His strong sexual affinity for morbidly obese black men. (they call him “kebab” at the neighborhood barbecues)
2. His extreme allergy to vaginas. He can’t look at them, can’t smell them, he can’t even think about them without going completely flacid…he’s currently undergoing treatment so this issue is a little “touchy” for him
Other than that he’s fair game.
Since, I don’t want to leave you all in the dark here is some background on the roastee:
Karaidl was born “mid-kick” from the mangled womb of the star performer in a popular transsexual cancan dance group in Vegas. Being 63 years of age at the time of his birth and with his father being feral goat tied to the back of a 87’ chevy pickup, his mother found money hard to come by so karaidl’s childhood was no walk in the park. He was raised on a diet of stepped-on peanut shells and half eaten deli pickles left behind by patrons of the bed & breakfast his mother ran from their one bedroom apartment. He never knew why she got to sleep in the same bedroom as the guests while he had to sleep on the piss-soaked carpet in the living room.
Through all of this adversity, karaidl has kept a great outlook on life. He has now conquered tasks that one might deem impossible for him. Tasks like tying his own shoes, brushing his teeth with a toothbrush instead of a pillow and he's making great progress in his struggle to distinguish the difference between the color “blue” and the sound of a bus. What I respect him for the most out of anything is the love he has for his family and extended family. He's especially close, and a major influence, to his mentally challenged niece. He actually asked me to link you all to a picture of her
Despite his colorful past and slow emotional development, Karaidl has always found time to bore us with his dumb conspiracy theories and other amphigory. So let’s all bust his balls despite the fact they have yet to drop.
Karaidl is the complete opposite. On top of being unsure about how to pronounce his name he suffers from many things. All of which he deserves.
For instance his avatar photo of himself is many years old. Now he has to lug his moobs around in a wheelbarrow. His size has grown so massive that he's become the subject of all "yo mamma" jokes.
Karaidl's looser friend: "Hey man, your so fat that you have your own zip code! HAHAHA!
Karaidl: "I'm gonna sit on you mutha****er! Soon as I find my legs!
Sadly the man is everything we hate; The man who puts needles in cupcakes. That jerk who backed into your car with his oversize SUV and didn't leave a note. The pudgy little kid in pre-school who cried in the corner all day. The jerk off teenager who walks around wal mart who thinks that sticking a 'funoodle' in his pants and pretending it's his penis is the greatest idea since he dropped out of high school.
Was he never loved enough as a child? Yes. Was he an outcast and reject of society? You bet. Did he ever give up? No. He kept on being a dickweed despite the fact that we did all we could to ignore him.
So when you think of great men; Mighty Mouse, Ralph Lauren, Vanilla Ice, Michael Jackson, and Lorena Bobbet. Keep thinking about them. Because they are so much more interesting, then this guy I'm roasting, who's name I can't really pronounce!
But Seriously Karaidl, thanks for your contributions to the sift, you always make me laugh.
Has anyone seen the picture of our resident karaidl on his profile page? What the fuck is that? It looks like somebody tossed a cocktail umbrella on top of Deputy Dog’s afterbirth and then drew a frowny face in it. Smile you somber, motherf**er. What the hell do you have to be upset about? Did someone spoil the ending to Yu-Gi-Oh the movie? When I was your age, I was getting laid. Though, you probably have too, but you didn’t realize the “Blow the Magic Whistle until the Happy Sauce Comes Out” game you play with your uncle qualifies as sex. Maybe that’s why your face is flushed in that picture.
And, let’s look at some of your video choices. You posted the one with the shriveled, creepy pussy that stands on its hind legs. But, enough about that video of your mom, I was talking about this one you titled “Terrifying...” That cat looked like how I feel after reading a Choggie post. Speaking of Choggie, you were the person responsible for posting this video you affectionately titled, “I will now attempt to communicate with Choggie.” Thanks for bringing down the collective intelligence of the sift with that gem. Seriously, I think the internet died a little that day. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the part with Sifter doogle. But, anyways...
In all honesty, Karaidl, I think you’re one of the funniest posters on this here site, and I hope to see many more from you. Cheers!
http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/2667/karaidl1ib6.jpg
http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/263/karaidl2lz8.jpg
If you join in the roast (comments, zingers, put-downs, insults, etc.), you understand the following:
• Your name goes into the roast pool for future roasts
• the roastee (in this case, karaidl) is allowed final say/retribution at the end of the proceedings
OK, I’m putting on my teacher's hat now. Apparently some folks would appreciate some extra help:
karaidl Survey Answers/Study Guide/Cheat Sheet is here:
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/The-Third-Roast-on-Friday#comment-279954
Recent moments in karaidlSpeak:
http://www.videosift.com/usercomments/karaidl
Now back to my own research, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . .
THE JESTER
*scurries away*
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1602096032
Hey man, the guys over at Crisco called. They said to ask you if you would be interested in another taste test. The way the said 'taste test' leads me to believe the portions handed over to you fit somewhere between huge and 'has its own weather system and satellites.'
By the way, where are the ROASTS?!!!! Roast this prepubescent Sifter already!
You know, just the other night when I was sodomizing your father with hardened horse feces while your mom was felching my midget slaves we all got to talking about you. Me, your mom, your father/grandfather, the midgets, and the ghost of Sharon Tate (she always shows up uninvited). Anyway, the subject of you came up, because apparently Fate determined that some boners had to die right then and there. So we talked at width about you, because it's just a cruel joke to talk about you and length. The midgets made a motion (they do everything together; just ask your mom) that we finally reveal the sad secret about your birth, and the motion carried:
You have a twin. Judge Wapner decided it would be best to separate you two at the moment of defecation. As the years passed we grew to appreciate his sagacious decision, because had your twin grown up with you he would have become a hopeless fuckwit, the likes of which have not been seen since you last looked in the mirror. He's an internet star now, and thankfully he's much more well adjusted than you could ever hope to be.
Now make yourself useful and man the gloryhole at the truck stop on Jingle Junction. Those dicks aren't going to suck themselves now, are they?
If you will peruse some of the inspired ejaculations karaidl has graced this site with, you will see that he is not afraid to speak his mind, unlike the bulk of the most outspoken here on the sift, who can’t stop speaking Other People’s Minds, with control “C”, and control “V’, as their only hedge, between themselves, and a career stint in the fast-food industry, animal hospice care, etc. Give most of these cretins an opportunity to pen some creative musings, and it’s straight to the men’s restroom at an interstate rest stop…..what I wrote, who I called, and how much it produced or stunk.
About the only thing bad about having the awareness of a thousand lifetimes, crammed into a plump, chronologically challenged being, is how bitter and disillusioned he is bound to become when at age 30, the witless boobs to follow his generation, will provide constant irritation, and the nagging temptation to, slay, skin, and smoke. He will have left Las Vegas after making sure his Mother is well-cared for, by his harem of whores, professional gamblers and grifters, and of course, his dealers-all wondering what they will do, when Master Teat, moves on, to greener pastures, and hairy bush.
At 20, he will turn down scholarships to various trade schools and mining concerns, and turn all his energies towards entrepreneurship….Celebrity Bobble-Cock Dolls, and skin-care/massage parties.(I can get clients and do scheduling, man)
Humble beginnings will lead to noble effort, and drug and fork abuse.
Your children will start coming to find out who their real daddy is after seeing their mother’s reactions to how many swinger’s blogs have posted user comments and photos, some of which have them standing in front of their mirrors, wondering, “Why is MY mom is so much older than the other kids’ moms?”
Seriously now, waist-down naked, and boyish charm will get you as far as the back door, before you smell the aroma from ma’s kitchen….and before you know it, you’re young again…at 36, with a lot less hair, and a breech at every stitch in yer sweatsuit.
I see a future of service to the community……a neighborhood kid’s bike and sporting goods equipment collection, and monthly garage sales, proceeds going to your favorite cause, ample paper products in all baths and computer/game-station rooms.
Growing up coddled, unparented and sensory-enriched by cathode-ray addiction, subjected to pathetic primary and secondary educations, with a sense of arrogance, entitlement, and privilege, having attended even worse colleges and universities, has afflicted most of the users on this site, but you Karaidl, have the ability and distinction, of being in a similar situation, and actually using it to your advantage, and attempting the unending process of self-awareness…..unlike your some of your elders here, who couldn’t wrangle a stray thought after a blow to the skull, much less work to become more in tune with themselves.
Salute to you Karaidl, we need more like you here, and less like these others, most of which I would not trust to call me a fucking cab, should I ever have the dis-pleasure of meeting them in person. You know who you are, at least if you think you might, the sentiment is appreciated……
oops...
his niece is fuckin' cute though!!
Then she said she hopes this doesn't send him into another episode. Apparently Karaidl waits for company, and then he struts through the house with no more on than a sheet between his legs and fondles his moobs until he squeals. Last time the visitor was a juvenile officer - he had a nice, long rest afterwards...
The only word accurately describing karaidl in his profile is the word "trash".
I mean come on, who would post a selfportrait of himself with what looks like a chocolate milkshake spilled down the front of his shirt?
To make things worse he tries to lure attention away from some dude staring at his stark naked buttocks by
photoshopping in a cocktail umbrella. How fuckin' original!
If he keeps going like this I am thoroughly convinced the only boobs he will ever see are the manboobs of his avatar.
Karaidl thinks he is such a clown but in reality his comments get less laughs than a Schindlers List screening in a Synagogue.
Certainly the only ones hitting the up arrows on any of his comments or clips are a group of egyptian spammers who mistake it as a pyramid symbol and are trying to signal him that he is a "Mummys Boy". I recently even tried sending an email to humurouswit@karaidl.com and got an away message.
Also, looking at his stats one can only come to the conclusion that karaidl would not go anywhere near the Deadpool even if his mother was drowning in it.
In closing I think most of all he is a selflinking bastard! Want proof?
Look at the guy that ransomed himself for 200 bucks in the clip he submitted a few months ago. Surely only someone like karaidl could pull off such idiocy!
I say * ban his adolescent ass!
-End of roast transmission-
But in all honesty: What this guy needs is a toast, not a roast! Keep it up mate!
This made me speechless. I've read a lot of things on the internet, but few comments made me stop in my tracks like this one. This goes in the Sift-Hall-of-Shame:
Certainly the only ones hitting the up arrows on any of his comments or clips are a group of egyptian spammers who mistake it as a pyramid symbol and are trying to signal him that he is a "Mummys Boy".
http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/2667/karaidl1ib6.jpg
to your avatar, Eugene.
Man, Eugene is your name. Wow, you know I feel bad picking on you. Your one liners and prepubescent wit are part of why I joined videosift, that and to downvote Choggie's videos... Looking at your photo I feel for you, I really do.
You can't drink. You probably can't have sex (with women). Your issues with one are most likely compounded by the other.
Most likely you spend a significant amount of your life either masturbating, or spending countless hours working on comments and posts for this website.
You should know that someone out there loves you. And sure, he is probably 30 years older than you, has a wife and three kids after doing a stint in the navy (*cough, blankfist, cough). But, there are people out here that love you, even if it is in a way that is illegal in all 50 states.
Look, my point is the pain you are feeling now is normal. I mean, not everyone goes through it, but a lot of people do. In a few years you will be at college, you will figure out who you are and forget your crazy obsession with mlx and the restraining order she placed against you. Maybe you will get a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, who knows? Despite all the madness, you will have a successful, humor filled, wonderful, *quality life. Maybe, we are all just a little jealous of that. Maybe we all wish we could go back and redo some things, just a few years. Make some different choices, the right choices.
But, hey if everyone could do that...you wouldn't be with us right now. And more is the pity.
Cheers and Happy Roasting.
Mycroft.
Now that I’m done with the blowjobs I’ll say this: Kindly shut your fucking piehole. This is a ROAST, and at ROASTS people often say the most obscene, shocking, and tasteless things to shame the roastee, and through this process we humiliate ourselves too because we’ve all said such debased things. In other words we all wallow in the muck, and have a good laugh in the process. You know, because it’s a FUCKING ROAST. Sorry if this isn’t your cup of tea, love; I guess we can’t all live up to your lofty standards of skewering.
Rottenseed: This karaidl bloke is up for proper roasting today.
Me: By Jove, we’ll give him what for. A sound thrashing, indeed.
Rottenseed: It will be a jolly good time. I might even make a scandalous reference to the Prime Minister!
Me: Gadzooks! That will be a sticky wicket! An oblique reference to the buskers at Piccadilly Circus would be a toff more shandy, savvy?
Yes, that is what a proper roast should be like. On Uranus.
Spare us the ongoing critiques. We all like karaidl, and have all turned out to show him our appreciation. We’re doing our best to make this enjoyable, while you seem to be doing your best to piss on all of us for trying. If I wanted ceaseless criticism I’d have never left Catholic school. Enough already. I ain’t in the mood for this shit right now, and most likely I won’t be in the mood for it later either.
Internal editor for occasional posts in parody talk.
Roast University graduates preferred.
Previous editor fired over "pyramid incident".
Commision based salary.
Karaidl, we have contacted your parents and we are raising your babysitting fee.
Oh, did you hear back from casting concerning Paul Verhoeven’s much-anticipated sequel “Showboys.” I know you were hoping to land the lead role.
So, have you figured out how to spin those tassels, yet.
With all the missing thumbs around here, I was wondering if you might know something about their sun-don’t-shine location.
In VS 3.1, dag says there will be a *youtube invocation to translate your wit for the brain-challenged.
With the new “Hall of Fame” section most Sifters will be pressing their hands in the cement. I guess you’ll have other ideas.
For all we know, karaidl’s avatar is the real poster who wants us to think he is a kid.
The conspiracy-theorist-Sifters here will probably insist you came from area 51.
You wanted a stalker joke . . . the question, is why?
Tasered twice . . . is that what gave you life?
OK, maybe some of those are cheap shots, but that’s all karaidl could afford on his allowance.
Since you can’t drink, here’s a virtual Roy Rogers kiddie cocktail. I’m assuming a Shirley Temple
is not your style.
Well I guess I better let you get back to your most cherished possession.
Merry Siftmas, kid! ‘Hope the Claus dude is generous to you.
Go get some "beano" dammit.
i was under the impression that part of karaidl's problem, was that a Shirley Temple was exactly his style.
Yea, well, I'm not gonna dignify any of you with an answer (until the end).
http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff69/my15minutes/karaidlsnewavataralpha.jpg
...you're still just a pasty white boy, unfortunately. but i'm working on that, next. hence the 'alpha' designation...
Shields up. *unsticky
Gorgonheap - It's hard to take cues from a man who identifies himself with an obscure muppet. Not only does Gorgonheap's character not exist, but all the other imaginary dipshits don't care about him. Freudian slips are a wonderful thing.
Blankfist - Your enthusiasm for receiving my response coupled with your sugar coated compliment at the end of your rant suggest you'd like to go farther than just virtually kiss my ass. I'll see what I can arrange on Craigslist, m'kay?
Zeph - And I couldn't be bothered to take the time to respond to you. So I won't. I'll use the saved time for something more important - Gotta scratch my balls.
Silvercord - Twat.
MLx - And your botox administrator called. She wants to know if she can reschedule for next week or if by that time your face will be rubbing so hard against the pavement you'll be undoing several thousand dollars worth of taxpayer's money.
Whoops, forgot Darkrowan. Wait a minute... nope, actually just didn't give a shit.
Kronosposeidon - Like I have to insult a guy who has the hots for the mentally challenged. Use protection though, I don't want my niece getting syphilis - might make her as stupid as you.
Zifnab - That insult was about as creative as some idiot whoring out for votes with a Yahtzee videos every week.
CaptWillard - My dickless ass? It wouldn't surprise me if you have one firmly up yours.
Joedirt - A sexually frustrated computer nerd brought further down the virginity well from a lack of knowledge on the location of female genitalia.
Choggie - I don't even know where to start... what the fuck did you write?? You're persistence in coming up with new and exciting ways to rape the English language up the ass never fails to amuse.
Fjnbk - You're the kind of guy I'd wish an ironic death on - Like getting run over by an ambulance.
my15minutes - Yea, those minutes were up a long time ago. Does anyone know THIS motherfucker??
Maatc - Certainly the only ones hitting the up arrows on any of his comments or clips are a group of egyptian spammers who mistake it as a pyramid symbol and are trying to signal him that he is a "Mummys Boy".
That lone statement can kill more braincells than Choggie's liquor cabinet.
MycroftHomlz - Given how you liked to cheer on the insults in your last roast, I'm starting to think you masturbate to them. I'm not gonna add to that...
dotdude - When he's not making pointless comments, he's drawing dots. I'll let you decide which is more valuable.
K0MMIE - At this point I'm running out of energy and things to say so you're just a dick.
Smibbo - Ooooh, wow, fart jokes. It's too hard to match that kind of wit, I've never lowered my standards to that degree before.
END
http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff69/my15minutes/karaidlsnewavatar.jpg
many thanks to that grostesquely obese fellow (no, the other one) who, for reasons still never fully explained (and rarely given a shit about anyway) still graces the avatar image slot, of one very lonely boy, whose closet is clearly a very dark place, in more than one way.
many thanks, for unknowingly lending me your warm chocolate tones, to allow one pasty caucazoid to glimpse, if only for a moment, the real man he might've been, had nature not been so cruel, in so many amusing ways.
yes, it took me all goddamn night. yes, i'm an insomniac. yes, i have a lot of time on my hands. yes, i'm available for hire as a graphic & web designer. no, i don't get laid that much (much like our honored guest), but thanks for bringing it up, asshole.
ps. ant? downvote this, and i'm coming to your house with a fucking nerfbat.
I knew I was gonna get my ass handed to me.... I'm much funnier in person, I swear.
Only two votes so far. Hmmm... what can we do to fix that, e'rybody?
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/Roast-Crew-List
If you have questions you would like us to ad to the Roast Survey please post them on this thread:
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/Roast-Survey
THE JESTER
i don't get laid that much
How redundant.
Great roast everyone and thanks for coming.
My queue is full.