by fate of thylan's rolled D&D die, my name has been selected to be MC for the roast of dotdude.
so: everyone ready for some slow mo roasting?
mo, aka dotdude is an “artist” from louwheezeanna who, according to his website, does not tolerate spam. it gives him a great deal of abdominal discomfort. his primary medium is oil on canvas, a specialty that is tightly capped by his awkwardly-limited rendition of colored dots, which serve as both his source of income and the stimulus for his exceptionally lackluster videosift username. the dude likes dots, period.
dotdude’s work has garnered him some attention, mostly from sympathetic relatives whose pity outweighed good sense, and whose vocal assertions compared his work to 19th century french pointillism. true, dotdude is like an apprehensive modern-day seurat, lacking only the inspiration, subtlety, and talent of the great ones before him, but what he lacks in ingenuity and quality he makes up for in breadth.
in addition to making pretty stipple pictures, dotdude has a vested and noticeable interest in shatner, parkour, and roasts. he’s the primary author on at least half of the sift’s posts about roasts, and has even initiated a survey to “start them off right”. and while I would present this survey for answering were I roasting any other member, seeing as how the majority of said questions were penned by the particleman himself, i decided to use a slightly different questionnaire for this roast. below you will find the roastee’s answers, as soon as the survey is completed.
need more munitions? check here and fire when ready.
lastly, some paperwork. this roast began approximately 8pm EST on February 28 and will conclude at 1:32am EST on March 2. if you are afraid your comments are too offensive to post, send them to me first and i will tell you to man/woman the f*ck up. if you don't have anything nice to say then you've come to the right place.
love,
the riddler roaster
so: everyone ready for some slow mo roasting?
mo, aka dotdude is an “artist” from louwheezeanna who, according to his website, does not tolerate spam. it gives him a great deal of abdominal discomfort. his primary medium is oil on canvas, a specialty that is tightly capped by his awkwardly-limited rendition of colored dots, which serve as both his source of income and the stimulus for his exceptionally lackluster videosift username. the dude likes dots, period.
dotdude’s work has garnered him some attention, mostly from sympathetic relatives whose pity outweighed good sense, and whose vocal assertions compared his work to 19th century french pointillism. true, dotdude is like an apprehensive modern-day seurat, lacking only the inspiration, subtlety, and talent of the great ones before him, but what he lacks in ingenuity and quality he makes up for in breadth.
in addition to making pretty stipple pictures, dotdude has a vested and noticeable interest in shatner, parkour, and roasts. he’s the primary author on at least half of the sift’s posts about roasts, and has even initiated a survey to “start them off right”. and while I would present this survey for answering were I roasting any other member, seeing as how the majority of said questions were penned by the particleman himself, i decided to use a slightly different questionnaire for this roast. below you will find the roastee’s answers, as soon as the survey is completed.
need more munitions? check here and fire when ready.
lastly, some paperwork. this roast began approximately 8pm EST on February 28 and will conclude at 1:32am EST on March 2. if you are afraid your comments are too offensive to post, send them to me first and i will tell you to man/woman the f*ck up. if you don't have anything nice to say then you've come to the right place.
love,
the riddler roaster
Then your star began to fall... 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and now it is at 10. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You are to videosift, what New Orleans is to the United States. Depraved, uneducated, unscrupulous, an afterthought, and you are also a good lay so the ladies tell me, but this isn't the time or place to laud you...
Analysis of this data will lead me to suspect that people care far more about your submissions of other people's works than your own work.
Conclusion: I hope you have some source of supplemental income.
When margin of error is calculated in, an estimated half of those profile hits were from sifters...today. Factoring in friends and family that have to go to your blog to see what you're up to since you can't afford a cell phone, lead me to believe you have roughly 24 unique profile views. (I did not factor in accidental views for the sake of your dignity)
No but seriously dude...I know sometimes we all feel like "specs" in a sea of a larger cosmic picture, but you will never amount to the worth of half of a point in Seurat's Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte. Time to put down the paint brush and pick up a bottle of grandpa's cough medicine.
I see you're an artist. Yawn. That's always what people call themselves when they realize they contribute about as much to society as a pile of dog shit. "I don't just clean gutters, dammit! I'm an artist!"
No, I'm just busting your chops. I dig your contribution to this site. Keep it up!
Oh wait, this is a roast...
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
I'm selling my computer. CHEAP.
I meant for this to be funny, but after writing it, I realize it's true and not really funny at all, rather sad and I refuse to participate in any parodytalk posts.
1. What do you do when you are not at the computer?
• Paint
• Watch DVDs
• Attend movies
• Work Sudoku puzzles
• Get together with friends
• Dine at restaurants
• Attend art presentations
• Attend Mac meetings
• Visit art museums/exhibitions
• Take digital photos and videos
• Attend parties/receptions
• Read books on art
2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
“MANtage”
3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
Ten
• dot art – levee break waves
• dot art – 40 shades of blue
• dot art – green Chinese lion
• dot art – purple design from plaster relief
• dot art – leopard-like patterns
• dot art – eye shapes orange on black
• rainy windshield photo
• Dutch Alley blur
• pond goldfish photo
• Chinese dragon float profile photo (current one)
4. What non-self-involved site do you visit most often?
Apple Movie Trailers
5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?
Clean?!? What does that mean?!?
6. What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
1: 21
7. Is that underwear boxer, brief, or birthday?
Boxers
8. Do you run a Mac OS, Windows, or Linux?
Mac OS
9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness, or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?
presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data
10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?
Topping – chocolate syrup
Spice - saffron
11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
Yes
12. What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).
Used to have cats:
Red (orange tabby)
Storm (gray tabby with white socks – picked out Spring 1991 during Desert Storm)
Pierre (peppered fur mix)
13. What kind of pelt(s) do you have? Include name(s).
None. However, a former girlfriend brought me The Australian Lucky Pouch when she returned from her trip her trip Down Under.
14. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Turtle with a splash of sherry
15. What is your most frequented source of news?
WWL Radio
16. What is your beverage (poison) of choice?
Iced Tea
17. Have you ever been arrested?
No.
18. What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?
Get a person talking about her/himself and pray its not over my head.
19. How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?
Thinning
20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?
Beard
21. List your five most cherished possessions.
• House
• Volvo
• Mac
• Camera
• DVD player
22. What religion, if any, did you practice as a child?
Roman Catholicism
23. What about now?
Same.
24. What is your favorite memory?
Surprise trip to Disneyworld even though us kids were told to pack for Gulfport, MS
25. What was your favorite childhood television show?
“Speed Racer”
26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?
personal style – put my stamp on what I do
sense of fashion – I like color, except the days I prefer black
taste for life – take time to appreciate whom I’m with, where I am and what I’m doing
artistic flair – experimentation and reinvention
27. What is a reason not to go to Burning Man?
I already live in a hot climate.
28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?
Fedquip
29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?
‘Will link shortly.
30. What goal to you have while a Videosift member?
Contribute to the “good of the order.”
31. Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?
I upvote on impulse, PERIOD.
Answer you that!
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM 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>> ^MycroftHomlz:
> Personally, I can't wait till someone draws a *quality dot picture of themselves pooping on him.
*quality? lemme' tell you about dotdude's qualities.
it's true, he has a beard. but, as you can see, he keeps it well-trimmed.
yet, surprisingly, when it comes to his vehicles?
> 5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?
> Clean?!? What does that mean?!?
we can only surmise, that means, "No."
> ...in New Orleans I am sure he has no shortage of boos and prostitutes...
spelling it 'boos' was an intentionally witty roast-reference, or something. right?
please say i'm right...
Oh, Dotdude might be a painter, but he's really practiced in the art of how to separate you from your cash. Home tours, dot art, Bourbon Street bar hopping, transvestite window standing, drawing caricatures of tourists near the Cafe du Monde . . . what a life. Hang around here Dot . . . maybe some real class will rub off on you. Of course if you ever did get that close we'd have to go disinfect.
So if you see Dotdude on the streets of New Orleans, trying to sell scribblings of a LOLcat on a dinner napkin. Tell him his mom called and that she doesn't want him to come home again, ever. And while your at it why not buy a LOLcat napkin for a couple cents, you can always throw it away later.
Oh.
I thought he was being hip and cool. Like he's the dude of the internet. Like .dude, y'know? Had no idea he was aping a dead guy. Better go buy him a cravat and a carved cane, wot?
MAN, am I disappointed!
...after checking out his "work" I can understand now... gotta fill the time somehow in between all those doodles.
Lemme put it this away....chatting with DD is like using that device Hawking's has, with 3 toes of one foot-I told him I pictured him stove-up inna sweaty leather chair with Frito crumbs, and he accused me of being able to seee through the window of his stall-
When he's not going to the latest art-house motion picture abortion, he busies himself with getting really excited about the most mundane things imaginable....someone he met on you tubes' dysfunctional pets, some married woman with a corn fetish, for some reason he's fixated on poodles-He "tagged" me and some other users one day, and I apologize dotdude, for breaking the chain....I dinna have the heart to tell ya how gay that made me feel-tag yer gay....
Oh and he has a great eye for comedy though, he did bring the only black man in Nebraska to the sift, ercell watson, and then all you other crackers reminded him of home and he never came back.....Speaking of an eye, he realy does know art-the fine art of social dysfunction and nerditude, DD, I had no idea the top users of this site were such frikkin' booger-eaters, hell, the only persons who broke that mold are Candians......well, not true Canadians, the plastiquemonkeys are half-Japanese...
Anyhow, give it up for the only person who had any faith in the roast concept working here on such a site fulla sandy vaginas, whiners who breastfed till they could wear corrective lenses, and 20-somethings who, if they have any sense of humor about the world or themselves at all, borrowed it from some coke-addled, hack writer for Comedy Central!(blame those bastards whenever I can)
1. What do you do when you are not at the computer?
• Paint - That figures
• Watch DVDs - Wow you don't leave the house?
• Attend movies - By yourself most likely
• Work Sudoku puzzles - Afraid of real math?
• Get together with friends - Free meals at the soup kitchen don't count as "get together with friends
• Dine at restaurants - Translation: Dig in the dumpsters behind restaurants
• Attend art presentations - Staring at the back tattoo of a tranny prostitute hardly counts as "attending art presentations"
• Attend Mac meetings - ...
• Visit art museums/exhibitions - You already said that, but then again you probably don't have much going on in your life
• Take digital photos and videos - Draw "cave paintings" on the walls of the overpass you live under.
• Attend parties/receptions - Always the crasher never the invitee?
• Read books on art - Read...books...on...art. hmmm...fascinating
2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
“MANtage” - you spelled "MANspooge" wrong
3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
Ten
• dot art – levee break waves
• dot art – 40 shades of blue
• dot art – green Chinese lion
• dot art – purple design from plaster relief
• dot art – leopard-like patterns
• dot art – eye shapes orange on black
• rainy windshield photo
• Dutch Alley blur
• pond goldfish photo
• Chinese dragon float profile photo (current one)
^Just can't quite encapsulate your mediocrity through visual aids, eh?
4. What non-self-involved site do you visit most often?
Apple Movie Trailers - To look at coming attractions nobody will ever invite you to see
5. If you had a time machine would you keep it clean?
Clean?!? What does that mean?!? - You know, clean like how you feel after your bimonthly dip in the sewers
6. What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
1: 21 - Make that 1/2 : 1
7. Is that underwear boxer, brief, or birthday?
Boxers - Women's panties
8. Do you run a Mac OS, Windows, or Linux?
Mac OS - Coincidently Mac & Cheese is your main source of nutrition too
9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness, or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?
presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data - Pretending to have a girlfriend while dry humping his semen encrusted matress
10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?
Topping – chocolate syrup - By the time you get to the ice cream, it's already melted
Spice - saffron - Dried eucalyptus leaves
11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
Yes - Translation: "I'm desparate"
12. What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).
Used to have cats:
Red (orange tabby) - killed and ate it
Storm (gray tabby with white socks – picked out Spring 1991 during Desert Storm) - Road kill that you found and dragged around on a leash for the summer of '91
Pierre (peppered fur mix) - Make believe animal that keeps me company during those lonely nights
13. What kind of pelt(s) do you have? Include name(s).
None. However, a former girlfriend brought me The Australian Lucky Pouch when she returned from her trip her trip Down Under. - Hahahaha! girlfriend...that's rich
14. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Turtle with a splash of sherry - Whatever's being served at the shelter
15. What is your most frequented source of news?
WWL Radio - 2 week old newspapers that you use to wipe your ass
16. What is your beverage (poison) of choice?
Iced Tea - "...you know how I know you're gay?"
17. Have you ever been arrested?
No. - The Phantom Pooper still hasn't been caught
18. What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?
Get a person talking about her/himself and pray its not over my head. - Try not to get close enough to the person to be smelled
19. How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?
Thinning - HAHAHAHAHA
20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?
Beard - Translation: I can't afford a razor
21. List your five most cherished possessions.
• House - Cardboard box
• Volvo - Shopping Cart
• Mac - & Cheese
• Camera - Old crayon or feces drawn on walls and sidewalks
• DVD player - "I can't play it, cause I don't have a TV but it sure is pretty and it'll score me a couple crack rocks"
22. What religion, if any, did you practice as a child?
Roman Catholicism - suppressed memories
23. What about now?
Same. - Translation: I do to little boys what was done to me
24. What is your favorite memory?
Surprise trip to Disneyworld even though us kids were told to pack for Gulfport, MS - Finding a quarter on the ground
25. What was your favorite childhood television show?
“Speed Racer” - It was really "My Little Pony"
26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?
personal style – put my stamp on what I do - Translation: I fart wherever I am
sense of fashion – I like color, except the days I prefer black - "OH, woe is me I'm such a DEEP artist type"
taste for life – take time to appreciate whom I’m with, where I am and what I’m doing - Translation: Sit in an alcove yelling at people who don't give me spare change
artistic flair – experimentation and reinvention - Translation: Crap nobody will like and stealing other people's work
27. What is a reason not to go to Burning Man?
I already live in a hot climate. - No transportation, no friends, no car, no water, you're missing a shoe
28. Who is your favorite Sift Hero?
Fedquip - Translation: Rottenseed
29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?
‘Will link shortly. - "uh...er...well you see is, I'm horribly disfigured and I hope everybody will forget about this question"
30. What goal to you have while a Videosift member?
Contribute to the “good of the order.” - Find somebody that'll love me for the stinky, poor, pseudo-artist I am
31. Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?
I upvote on impulse, PERIOD. - "I can't read."
Of course, when dotdude says he has a Volvo, he means he has just the logo from the grill that he found next to his bridge.
Also, when he says that he's an artist, he means that he's an artist for the government. He draws unemployment.
Masturbating to Dots
wasn't your #1 answer to "What do you do when you are not at the computer?" Seriously, you know this is true. Creepy little artist.
...actually on second thought, I'd rather my lunch remain in my stomach where it belongs.
I heard Bill O'Reilly did a story on it. He said it was fantastic.
NO!
THIS!
IS!
SIFT-AAAAAHHHH!
*kicks dotdude into septic tank of the sift*
http://image1.frappr.com/pix1/i/20070829/4/b/1/4b1728c5807c849f63b95f0c34d588ef0_large.jpg
Oh, and a couple of those dotilist paintings look like someone threw up on my pizza.
http://image1.frappr.com/pix1/i/20070829/4/b/1/4b1728c5807c849f63b95f0c34d588ef0_large.jpg
That one is a self-portrait. (the sad part is, it isn't "abstract")
And if all else fails, you could always put on that "I'm Retarded" sign the government gave you to wear and try to sell your crap. People are suckers for retards and will feel bad so they will buy your arts and crafts project which are comparable to a third graders. Retarded third graders. On drugs.
Anyways. as far as that blog goes, I noticed he likes to talk about unexpected boners. I won't even code the link so you can all see it. http://randomwood.blogspot.com/ Some one help him out with that? Poor little guy probably thinks theres something wrong with it and cries when it happens. Even if he knows that its supposed to do that, it probably gets hard from rigor mortis. That is, I'm almost sure it died from lack of use.
I have to stop now. Just talking about this pathetic, talentless, good for nothing, useless, unproductive, leech on the economy is depressing me. Excuse me while I go wipe my ass with a piece of his "art". See dotdude? The Government issued sign works!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Found_object
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Found_art
Zifnab, you're referring to "performance art," a genre I don't do.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Performance_art
> Zifnab, you're referring to "performance art," a genre I don't do.
then, why did your neighbors tell us you're frequently seen, on nearby streetcorners, defecating on canvas and finger-painting with it?
and could we get E Nygma to close??...(jeeez, hope you people don't have any children..)
MycroftHomlz – You seem a little too interested in my love life and you give new meaning to the words “art lover.” Then you call me “creepy?!?”
rottenseed – Thank you, but your translation skills are no longer needed.
Blankfist – It will please you to know that I am an active participant in local cultural tourism efforts.
Kronoposeidon – You made me blush.
Captain Willard – Some of us bugs are quite resilient.
JAPR – Your typing skills are quite extraordinary. My, your family must be proud.
my15minutes – I’ll let you in on a little secret. Artists are a bit messy.
K0MMIE – I’m quite satisfied with my art career and this roast.
silvercord – I’m so sorry you went for the cheapest travel package when you visited New Orleans. There are more refined establishments in town if you just know where to go.
gorgonheap – I do share an alma mater with some folks by the last name Manning and do live in a house that’s been in my name for fourteen years.
smibbo – I suppose you stop at the first definition when you look up a word. Photography and video are included in today’s definition of art.
choggie – Yes, I confess I have yet to master choggian in real time.
MarineGunrock – You will be happy to know that I am not a financial burden to the government nor am I to anyone else.
berticus – Aw, I was expecting a Venn Digram.
Doc_M – Oh boy, you’ve given me an idea for a new dot painting.
arsenault185 – Let me get this straight. You want to wipe your what with my what?
Zifnab - Yes, I do like BBQ sauce - the Hickory kind that's on the sweet side. But I use the sauce on food, not my art. A sauce like that would attract varmints.
And last but not least, there’s our own Riddler Roaster – are you sure it’s not Ritalin Riddler?
E_Nygma – I have to admire the speed in which you pulled together this roast and revised the questionnaire. Thank you so much.
I should mention that there is a photo link that I added to the questionnaire yesterday.
Just so you know there are some dot artists besides Seurat:
Yayoi Kusama - her work (NSFW)
Vance Kirkland - his work
Victor Vasarely - his work
Aboriginal Art
Thanks again,
Mo
ROAST COMMENCE!!!
...dickwad
Plus, everyone knows that I am in fact, Dotdude.
i'd like to thank all of the participants for their unkind words and thoughtless remarks. i'd like to thank my15mins for the star his +quality invocation gave me, and for the thoughts behind mycroft's inadequate attempt. lastly i'd like to thank the man of the hour himself, dotdude, for his contributions to a historically ravaged part of the US, both in time served and in artwork furnished. it has been an honor and a pleasure to host this roast, and i wish the best of wit to the next lucky roastee.
feel free to return to your regularly scheduled avatars.
-ritalin roaster
I'm sahwee
First off, you guys are being way too harsh on Dotdude. I've bought several of his paintings, and I have to say they've made the best litterbox liner money can buy. You can get them on Craigslist, just look for the ads titled, "For the love of Christ, someone please validate my life choice!"
But honestly, it's actually really good to have guys like him around. It means less competition for money and women. SOMEONE has to be on the bottom of the pyramid, and Dotdude's the fat cheerleader of society.
By the way, squares kick ass.
Then again, maybe you’ve purchased a “knock-off” of my work?!?