Welcome to the 2nd ever VideoSift member roast! Today, we unleash the hounds of roasting upon MycroftHolmz.
If you're like me you've probably been skimming through MycroftHolmz's comments and sifted videos looking to dig up any dirt on him. Hell, I even searched through 10 Google search pages (all of them related to VideoSift thankyouverymuch)
MycroftHolmz is remarkably well tempered, even handed, and quite polite. This might deter any normal person, but oh no, I knew exactly what this meant. MycroftHolmz is a pervert. Let's do the math here, by his own admission he is an ass man, he is a physicist, AND he is a master of Shao-Lin Kung Fu. Now, you might be asking how does this make him a pervert? We can only come to one conclusion.
MycroftHolmz enjoys the feeling of his own poop poking out of his butt. Then he will ever so slightly pull it back into his anus hole, just to let it poke out a little bit more. That's right, MycroftHolmz has sex with himself... with his own poop.
Think about it! Only a person who's profession is to study the physics of things (poop) could pull of such a coordinated self-intercourse.
So, now that this roast has been kicked off with a poop joke, lets lay into this self-righteous, easy going, non-discriminatory coprophiliac with a hatred that has not been felt on the 'net since the discovery of 2Girls1Cup.
If you're like me you've probably been skimming through MycroftHolmz's comments and sifted videos looking to dig up any dirt on him. Hell, I even searched through 10 Google search pages (all of them related to VideoSift thankyouverymuch)
MycroftHolmz is remarkably well tempered, even handed, and quite polite. This might deter any normal person, but oh no, I knew exactly what this meant. MycroftHolmz is a pervert. Let's do the math here, by his own admission he is an ass man, he is a physicist, AND he is a master of Shao-Lin Kung Fu. Now, you might be asking how does this make him a pervert? We can only come to one conclusion.
MycroftHolmz enjoys the feeling of his own poop poking out of his butt. Then he will ever so slightly pull it back into his anus hole, just to let it poke out a little bit more. That's right, MycroftHolmz has sex with himself... with his own poop.
Think about it! Only a person who's profession is to study the physics of things (poop) could pull of such a coordinated self-intercourse.
So, now that this roast has been kicked off with a poop joke, lets lay into this self-righteous, easy going, non-discriminatory coprophiliac with a hatred that has not been felt on the 'net since the discovery of 2Girls1Cup.
*Scurries back to 3rd draft*
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/The-Second-Roast-on-Monday#comment-265201
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/The-Second-Roast-on-Monday#comment-265407
Oh, almost forgot . . . *sticky.
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/GenGradPSU/Mycroft.jpg
I have a better one, which all have apparently failed to notice. I misspelled my name(Holmz not Homlz) when I first joined videosift... for a week I couldn't log in and I had no idea way.
It takes a lot of effort to be that unaware, fortunately aggressive conditioning experiments have optimized the absent mindedness that you have all grown to love.
So, a physicist you say? Which causes you're panties to twist harder, I wonder: String Theory or Perpetual Motion Machines? Or maybe Dark Matter does it (or, in this case, doesn't do it) for you?
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/GenGradPSU/Mycroft.jpg
MycroftHomlz
Member Profile
Last *Save: never • Available: now
Last *Promote: never • Available: now
Nice job. Way to be a part of the community
There I put you over with some key *invocation magic and a dead video fix. Enjoy. Maybe you should ban a certain thread author
Mix? You don't know me?
I like this scientist. He tests his ideas... in a way that COULD POSSIBLY SET SOME POOR NON-STAR UP FOR A BAN!!!!
Thank god it takes two to get a ban here, sheesh.
Seems like all these kids can do is focus on the basest of the lowest human denominator, and for what it's worth, vicarious apologies to everyone but mlx, who has had the best one-liners so far, all hinged upon the fact that we still know too little about you MH to get too scathing, too close to home.
I offer this seasoned observation of your overall nature, having had a bit of experience reading the interesting version of your meatsack description, in some of your first pm's to me.
You came with a welcome to me, in the form of a paragraph...then another, then another, cutting and pasting data so fast on 9/11, that I was sure you were on the company payroll of the official report's disinformation squad......hell, all I did was post a viddy that would spark conversation either way on the subject, and you came to me with tomes, trying to win me over like a used car salesman/Scientology recruiter-(wtf have I dredged with this one, hope he goes charter before I have to make some shit up)
lesse.....if I recall, you said something like, you had to crunch some more data, after I reset you with some non-linear banter-
oh here's a fun one..
MH:You are down voting every video I submit, that you vote for. That is pretty lame.
And by the way, your comment was not marked private."
yeah well, life sucks, then you die, but in your case, the soul was sold long ago, to the god's of insect activities, and the world needs her insects, gives me more time to think. So how's work?? Well, here's one marked public I got a kick out of:
Hi Choggie,
I am pretty busy today. I had a near catastrophe with my experiment, the test subjects were recovered, but experienced the normal disorientation after two hours in the accelerator, and things turned out ok. This weekend I will be available and willing, please do that thing with your teeth that I like. I will read what you wrote, but for now, my hands are shaky, and I need a break from the auto-erotic asphyxiation.
I appreciate your patience, and love that thing you do with your teeth."
MH
So, are you still convinced that midgets with paintballguns pancaked the towers? Take another ream of data, and call me in the morning....*clicks teeth rapidly
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mycroft_Holmes#References_in_popular_culture
Here's the one, a little bit ya'll should know about MH:
"MH:-With respect. I once told Rougy, so now I tell it to you-
"There are some key features that I believe are strong indicators of a bad argument or at least a losing one.
1) Personal Attacks
2) Comparisons to Totalitarian Regimes\Evil Dictators
3) Inventing Vocabulary
4) Non sequitur
5) Gross Extrapolation
Since I am the master of 3 and guilty of only two of these peeves, you must really dig me, huh???
WTF is gross enstrapilation??? Water sports??? Nah that can't be it, says in yer journal yer down with all shades and temps.of yellow....
Taking a quick browse through his latest comments - they reek of futile stupidity, as he persists in promoting videos that can't be promoted - like a dumb little kid swinging and missing the goddamn baseball everytime even though it's just sitting there on the T. Hey! Those are all my videos! Keep your virtual boner to yourself, I'm not THAT awesome.
I think my fiance would shoot me.
That's the most interactive blow-up doll I've ever heard of.
Just going off his personal, interesting choice of beer, "Troegs Hopback," I think it's safe to assume Holmz thinks of himself as an avant-garde sort of unique individual. That is to say, he's a douchebag. Drink Bud Light like a normal person, not some emo loner. Nobody likes a guy who gets aroused at the thought of being an nonconformist.
Well, I'm looking forward to the next roast, when we take on somebody who matters, instead of digging deep into the sweaty, nether regions of the Sift.
Please proceede to Wal-Mart to get back in touch with America.
Ok so, how many of you folks who wanted to be roasters have not showed yet??? Damn, MyCroft, yer a popular guy, or else folks don't really like a place where ad-hom is king, and ego is backed into a corner and beaten bloody.....their loss is your gain MH, youa re having fun aren't you????
Where are Issikitty, TheSnipe, Zifnab, Swampgirl, Dag, Lucky, Persephone, and little YouDieJoe... You all don't want to dance with the devil in the pale moon light.
Fixed that for ya.
I am a little surprised Rougy and Mink haven't layed into me... maybe they are still afraid I am a government agent.
http://www.videosift.com/video/A-21-Seconds-Sexy-Hot-ChickLadyWoman-Dance-Cartoon
Siftbot
...mycroftholmz knows what i'm talkin' about yea boi!
Also, when we are done with MycroftHomlz, he is given the opportunity to unload on the whole lot of us.
THE JESTER
In conducting my painstaking research, I discovered his affection for two other words “douche bag” or one “douchebag” – he used both forms. I’ll defer to others more qualified to discuss that area of science.
Apparently he also loves puns. As a preventative measure, I do request a “flag pun” link, please.
Alas, we’ve gone and created a monster that’ll be terrorizing us with his new gold powers. Hey SiftBot, do you remember where we keep the violin.
And don’t go breaking our SiftBot, he’s the only one we have . . . well at least that I know of . . .
MycroftHomlz, some of us might invite you to go have intercourse with yourself. But as for that steed you rode in on, we’ve beaten it to death.
Apparently your 900 seconds are up.
Merry Siftmas!
KOMMIE, you have issues, which you should probably share with only your most intimate acquaintances, your teddy and your friends at poopchat.org
Dag: Sadly, your biggest contribution was to "Unsticky" this thread, and be a major buzz kill. From your sifts, it seems that is something you are naturally good at. I see you as a teenager, being the kid who told on his friends when they tried pot the first time. Kudos.
Fjnbk: Very clever. Making fun of my horrible spelling...Hello! Look at your name.
Rottenseed: I practically had to spoon feed you that. At least MG picked up on it quickly... Oh, I get it you are special needs. That was very funny rottenseed. Thank you.
JAPR: Your contributions impact can best be described by an interaction between W and Z bosons... go on, look it up.
Zeph: I imagine your name is derived from the greek god Zephyrus. No doubt, like your namesake, you, too are married to your sister.
CaptainWillard: If your thoughts were a ship they would be the Titanic. What exactly are you the captain of? I imagine it is just the name the dancers gave you some seedy strip club you frequent. Probably because you stink of dead fish and wear a captains hat. If I ever see you on the street I will be sure to give you some change.
kronosposeidon: Yeah, its true. She and I don't talk anymore.
Fedquip: The magnitude of your lameness can only be described as canadian.
Karaidl: No doubt that took you a half hour to write. Maybe you should try that beer, oh wait you can't drink yet. That is punishment itself.
Silvercord: I guess that makes us brothers.
Doc_M: Genetics is a lie. The world is only 4000 years old and Darwin recanted on his death bed. There. Hah. You are probably crying.
MG: You did better than I expected for a military man, which is to equate you intellectually to a sea squirt...
Joedirt: That's funny when I went to you profile under Available it said 'No I am masterbating'.
Dotdude: I bet all the ladies call you The Jester... after the look at you naked.
Mix: Momma, is it true that silvercord is my brother?
Kommie: Somehow when all this started I knew someone was going to bring up something truly horrible, something outrageously terrible. Well I saw your 2girls1cup comment, I looked it up. You are a bad person. My question is this: How did you get your mom and your sister to do that?
Choggie: The best for last. You are like the wind in New Jersey, putrid, vitriol that reeks of the fetid and morose and covers your environs like a dark shadow from one of Anne Coulter's wet dreams.
Nice closer MH, like you were trying to race before the station breaker -
Another sucessful roast, better than the last, a bit more organized.......who's next???!!
bogart maybe but no snitch lol
So you're a living tribute to Johnny Wadd and you didn't even know it.
Don't knock physicists - they're some of the best damned floor sweepers at Los Alamos.
When they say "Hey, buddy, wanna computer?" You know you're getting good, quality, government surplus.
(better late than never - I would have posted sooner if they all weren't out to get me)
It was a really goot natured roast, and it was a pretty fun read. So let's recap:
Dag is a party pooper with "Raper" wit... I am not sure you should tell anyone about that.
Choggie still has the mutant power to make anyones eyes glaze over like yellow mustard gas with inane rambling about his latest fancy pants topic.
Karaidl... well you're just a big fat butterball.
Dotdude likes being fashionably late... as in 24 hours fashionably late. Must be hard to get re-invited to parties on New Years eh?
and last but not least MycroftHomlz... thanks for being a good sport, and thank you for your litte pathetic attempts at comebacks. It was like watching an 8 year-old with a bb-gun storming Normandy beach.
Now the question on everybody else's mind... is who's next?
THE JESTER
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