Doc_M is a rather interesting sifter. I first discovered this while reading the response to his survey. Especially what he does with his leisure time. Something we have in common is that we’re both practitioners of the martial art form of Tae Kwan Do. Except he has to go beyond that and play golf, and work in a lab. Now if this doesn’t sound like Gordon Freeman, I don't know what does. Think about it how could a scientist survive all that unless he had some basic self-defense training?
Now that got me thinking and I finally made the connection. Doc_M bases his sad life on various video game characters. Although he admits to collecting underwear as feverishly as Gene Simmons collects STD’s, and claims his favorite soup is French onion soup, or as it’s called in the White House cafeteria, Freedom onion soup. But when asked about his fashion sense Doc_M admits to dressing like Dr. Gregory House. Clearly there is identity confusion on his part.
Besides not being able to distinguish himself from imaginary characters, I’m sure he has some fine qualities, but I don’t have all day to strain myself to spin facts so that any of them sound desirable. But enough with my ramblings, roast em!
Now that got me thinking and I finally made the connection. Doc_M bases his sad life on various video game characters. Although he admits to collecting underwear as feverishly as Gene Simmons collects STD’s, and claims his favorite soup is French onion soup, or as it’s called in the White House cafeteria, Freedom onion soup. But when asked about his fashion sense Doc_M admits to dressing like Dr. Gregory House. Clearly there is identity confusion on his part.
Besides not being able to distinguish himself from imaginary characters, I’m sure he has some fine qualities, but I don’t have all day to strain myself to spin facts so that any of them sound desirable. But enough with my ramblings, roast em!


























Forget about his work place; just walking into his house is an assault on your genome. And if you touch any *sticky surfaces, contact your next of kin.
Past... very... as in millions of years.
Doc_M secretly wants to go back in time to sneeze on a dinosaur to re-create his favorite Simpsons episode Time and Punishment.
Doc_M just want's us all to think he's a brilliant PHD student when really he's more like Homer Simpson. Homer works at a nuclear power plant but he's not a nuclear physicist. Doc_M may work at a lab, but emptying garbage doesn't make him a Geneticist or a Virologist...
B.S. = well, BS!
MS = More of the Same
PHD = Piled Higher and Deeper!
Oh, and get yer own favorite sift you thievin’ quack!
If you join in on the roast (comments, zingers, put-downs, insults, etc.), you understand the following:
• Your name goes into the roast pool for future roasts
• The Roastee (in this case, Doc_M) is allowed return fire at the end of the proceedings
For those who need help with their Doc_Mology:
Doc_M Survey Answers/Study Guide/Cheat Sheet is here:
http://parody.videosift.com/talk/A-Dissection-of-Doc_M#comment-385755
Recent moments in Doc_MSpeak:
http://parody.videosift.com/usercomments/Doc_M
Really, we do encourage new talent to join in on our roasts. Welcome firefly!
THE JESTER
• The Roastee (in this case, thesnipe) is allowed return fire at the end of the proceedings
Thesnipe? So even Doc_M is too much of a pussy to retaliate to any and all insults thrown his way. Kudos thesnipe for making Doc_M your bitch.
Although it's not surprising, when he tried to convince us he looked like this when the reality is actually this.
I see you answered that silly roast questionnaire. Number 24, your best memory is sitting in your dorm window? Was your second favorite moment brushing your teeth this morning? It's obvious it takes very little to please you, and you were probably inspired deeply by your elementary school principal. And who's the fucktard that writes these damn questions who can't figure out how to spellcheck? It's 2008, spellcheck is automated in most word processors these days, so get rid of your Word Perfect 1.1 and bit torrent a copy of Microsoft Word, you worthless sack of non-typing shit.
I don't know much about you except you're a French Onion Soup eating, Rob Roy drinking, golf playing doctor. Actually, when you think long and hard about that, I think I do know a lot about you. Here you are looking fabulous after a shot down the 18th hole. Poke it out for the world to see, Doc!
Okay scrubs, I'm out. Have a great roast. The timing for this one is terrible for me. Later gents!
(1) I saw nothing about fishing, but if he plays golf, it's forgiven.
(2) He works with much smaller patients than I do, although they are equally, or more so, infectious.
(3) I know nothing about Marital Arts. I'm allergic to exercise, (I break out in a sweat everytime)
I think Doc and I both appreciate Einstein's quote, "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."
I'm equally sure we keep up with the same kind of scientific literature, G-string theory (thongology), and everything about plasmids and prions we can find in Maxim.
You are bad northern blots.
Face, but a perky rack is a nice bonus."
Don't be fooled ladies, by face he means... mouth.
http://www.videosift.com/video/Wonder-Woman
Hold on Zeph; I found an old video of Doc_M in action.
http://www.videosift.com/video/Wonder-Woman
No, no, no I thought this was Doc_M! Sure hope his field of study isn’t ophthalmology! Oh, wait now I remember, it’s proctology.
Don't let the lack of action on yer moment here in the spotlight get ya down Doc, there are others here on the sift as uni-dimensional as yerself....It's hard to roast a cabbage y', gotta add so much flavor to it-like being on a desert island....("Will I eat fish and coconut, or fish and seaweed today???)
Speakin' a fish-glad to know you got yerself' a couple of fellas that you hang out with regularly that share similar interests and diversions...
Rob Roys and Starbucks eh??? Was it that girl you stalk that inspired you to be so......cosmopolitan???
" Sadly, you just can't do biology without animals."....Spoken like a true Onanist. If you took an ultraviolet light over to DocM's pad and dropped some good LSD, his bedroom would look like the stage backdrop at a Jefferson Airplane concert....
when he first got here, his first published post renewed my faith in cartoons being able to explain the obvious-I learned most of what I know from animated explanations of simple phenomenon as well-Now that we are clear on exactly what happened on 9-11...thanks for clearing that up for everyone.....
Yer a great sport DocM, man may the rest of your roast be good for you as well...Afterwards, you might ask Rosy Palm if it was good for her and her five sisters, too....
Hey Doc (just like I'm sure Dr. Dre is a "Doc"): Ever been to South Korea?
What about YOU ARE BAD AT NORTHERN BLOTS don't you understand. I bet your western blots are shit too.
This is good science.
http://www.videosift.com/video/Students-Visit-Creation-Museum
A:incentives for participation
B:the option to use this endeavor as a gauge of user summation of your contributions
C: make this the last roast, and it call it all yer fault(the pre-ordained participants on the list being either septum-deep in the hormone-indulgence of their choice, or pre-occupied with family board games, or..
D: Wait for karaidl
E:allovetheehub-bub.....
Should we un-ban a few spammers and invite their thoughtful commentary? Or maybe I could post some of the hate mail I receive and pretend that it's for you. Here's one of my favorites. Notice how the one directed at me got 7 upvotes. That shows what a popular guy I am in these parts.
Did you all know the 'M' in Doc_M stands for masturbater? I am just pointing that out.
Mmmmmkay, I have conducted my painstaking research concerning our dear friend and sifter Doc_M . . . .
I’ll begin with the survey . . . . zzzzzzzzzz . . . yes, I nodded off a bit trying to wade my way through it. Hip boots were indeed necessary, not to mention surgical gloves and a face mask.
One thing struck me about the indecision on undergarments and hair . . . You got a kind of AC/DC thing going there . . .
As for religion . . . well I guess most likely we probably have never heard of the particular type of Christianity, you practice, since you put the generic Christian.
A couple of times you said “I’m going to get grief for this” . . . That’s like putting “pick on this” or “kick me” on your back.
Speaking of kicking, I now move on to your own comments around the Sift . . . You say that on the first day you visited the Sift there was a “high concentration (of videos) of people getting kicked in the nuts.” And yet you stayed with us? So is that what you come here for? Should we expect a Balls Kicking Channel from you?
We already have a Balls Flexin’ Channel. I guess a Balls Kickin’ Channel would balance the Sift, hunh.
And last but not least I have to ask about “I have the biggest damn vacuum cleaner in my friggin apartment in my closet damnit!” I realize you were replying to a blog post by swampgirl about her shotgun. But a large appliance whose sole purpose is to suck isn’t quite as impressive as a shotgun.
OK, we've sprayed ParodyTalk with disinfectant. You germ fearin' ninnies can come roast now.
*tosses rubber gloves in the bin*
*ahem*
wait, who?
damn baby needs feeding again.
I bet I am the only one here who knows how bad an autoclave smells. It has hands down worse then sticking you head up a cow's ass. Hey Doc, you have done that... which one is worse?
http://www.videosift.com/video/Pauly-Shore-Where-is-He-Now
i'm late. stoned. cigarette dangling out of the corner of my mouth. so self-involved that i'm talking about myself at someone else's event. promoting the work of some other asshole. and i expect to be overpaid handsomely for this weak performance.
but you didn't have the balls to post your own photo, so you really didn't give us much to work with, in your Q&A:
21. List your five most cherished possessions.
(blahblahblah preamble, pretending to be deep):
My PC
My Lancer ...
yeah. i'd be lost without mine, too.
more entertaining than a barrel of sleep apnea-
Zifnab
Ironically enough, I've emptied my share of garbage in the lab... biohazard and all. It goes without saying then, that I'd never go within a mile of your garbage. Viruses would be the least of my worries.
Firefly
Yeah, I'm Piling it Higher and Deeper... as I will soon do with my money $.$ I'll think of you when I buy my first yaught... think and laugh.
Zeph
Only on weekends and in your fantasies. And if you want, I can lend you some of those petry dishes so you can see what STD's you don't have yet... ya know... add to your collection.
Blankfist
It's OK, I hate you too. And yes, I'm easily entertained and impressed. Funny I don't remember ever laughing at your comments though... In fact, I don't even remember any of your comments. Wait, who am I talking about again? Moving on.
Snooze
I fish too.
Mycroft
...I've known too many physicists. The last I know was also called "yellow hat guy" for most of his life. Just so you know, that's how I picture you... Yellow hat guy masturbating to properly written mathamatica code.
I'm guessing your autoclave smells because you clean it about as often as your ass. That girl that just walked away from you? Yeah, it's the stank.
krono
I don't know if I'd be teasing someone who you suspected invented the Hanta virus.
that was the only time I was insomeday I'd like to visit South Korea. It's got Souel.Dot
It's ok if I call you Dot right? Dude just doesn't seem to fit as well as dot. I happen to have some boxers with dots on them. Is there money in mounting that
like you door should I just stick to the old-fashioned uses? And btw, I can lend you my vacuum if you ever want to suck the last years of cheerios from your beard some time.Smibbo
Feel free to come back and contribute when you get the crap off your hands and the vomit off your shirt.
15
"i'm late. stoned. cigarette dangling out of the corner of my mouth. so self-involved that i'm talking about myself. and i refuse to take the effort to use the shift key."
I figured.
heap
You noob. In a real roast, the roastee is the last to speak... or where you just afraid?
"Heap" is apt then I guess. Yeah, I like my imaginary characters because plainly talking to you lot is about as interesting as a physics convention or a dot-art exibit. Well, at least it beats just shooting things for a living. Still even that's a job which is more than I bet most of you could dream of having... btw the cyber-cafe doesn't take food stamps anymore so you can cancel your accounts now... and stop stealing coffee from that guy next to you. Sneezing in it first does not add to your class... actually maybe it does... keep doing it then. The saddest bit is that the coolest, most famous person in the room is a tin-can with sunglasses and a fiery temper. Well, that about sums things up. I promise some day when I'm teaching your kids in college (that plainly they'll have to pay for themselves), I'll try to give them the hope you never could. You can have peace in that at least.
Your's oh so sincerely,
Doc_M