Roast IX: Who the f**k is this guy?

posted by 10444 1 decade 5 years 8 months 3 weeks ago • 4,253 views
So, the roast of Obsidianfire has started! Since you all need your thinkin time, we'll give til Sunday to think up something-something. Discover the man behind the name, the .. uh. Man! In his own vocalized words.

..Yeah here's the interview:



1. What do you do the few times you are not at your computer?
Uhh.. ( you're not typing uh are you? ) Hang out with friends, eat, shower, play xbox, wonder why I'm not at the computer.

2. What is your favorite of your posted videos?
My favorite would have to be.. I dunno lemme look. Honestly would have to be Minus the Bear Pachuca Sunrise, or Lorraine goes to the dentist.

3. How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
A shitload, and I'm too lazy to go find them. The majority, if not all of them, I've made myself using Adobe® Photoshop® software to manipulate and create images.
http://www.adobe.com/misc//trade.html#photoshop

4. What three sites do you visit most often?
Videosift, randompictures, and IAB.

5. If you had one super human power, what would it be? Which ability would you be least likely to choose?
If I had one power, it would have to be invisibility. You could do anything you want: steal someone's food, get free plane trips, poop in someone's coffee, scare the shit out of people by acting like a ghost, pants people you either really dislike.. or really like . The one I would least wanna have is probably the power to fart and it smells like strawberries, or the power to excrete hand lotion through my pores.

6. What is your ratio of SFW bookmarks to NSFW bookmarks?
Hmm.. I dunno how many bookmarks I have. ... Three out of 86 are NSFW.

7. Boxers or briefs?
Boxers.

8. What are your experiences with Mac OS, Windows, and Linux? Which do you use now?
I haven't used Mac OS except for once. I didn't really like it too much, I didn't like the way things worked out. I used Linux for two years, but I got sick of having to use Wine for everything. Now I use WinXP, it just seems easier. Plus I have live CDs, so if I ever really need to do something on Linux I can start it right up.

9. Would you most prefer to be involved in a monumental one-of-a-kind hiking expedition, working on a breakthrough cure for a debilitating illness, or presenting the discovery of a revolutionary new way to parse data?
I'd want to do the discovering a new algorithm one, 'cause I'm a nerd.

10. What is your favorite ice cream topping? Favorite (non-ice-cream-related) spice?
Hmm.. Good question. Chocolate syrup. And.. Jane's Krazy Salt.

11. Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
Ass.

12. Name five hot celebrities you wish to see nude.
Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Liv Tyler, Angelina Jolie, and Rachel Ray.

13. How do you feel when it comes to extreme preachers of religion? What would you say to one if they came up to you in the street?
I feel like a religion is a personal thing for everyone. If someone comes up to me and asks me to turn to a religion I'll politely decline, and then if they keep going on about it I'll tear them a new one 'cause it's my life and up for me to decide what I will and will not believe in.

14. What's your favorite kind of soup?
New England clam chowder.

15. What's your spiritual history?
Raised Christian Baptist, deviated from that to Wiccan, decided it wasn't for me at all, and then became an eclectic pagan with beliefs from Buddhism, Hinduism, Native American religions, Existentialism, and Thelemism.

16. Your beverage of choice?
Hmm that's a hard one. Milk, MtDew, Jack Daniels. Not all at the same time.

17. If you were going to be arrested and prisoned for 20 years no matter what you did, what would you do to go out with a bang ( or without one )?

It really depends on what I would be arrested for, but.. I would probably flee to another country and hide in an undisclosed location, and then show up at the end of my sentence and send a message to whomever was to arrest me and be like, OOH BITCH WHAT NOW?

18. If every illegal activity were to be made legal for one day, what would you do on that day? Pillage, thieve, sit on your couch and watch banned TV shows, what?
I'd leave my donkey in the bathtub.

19. How do you feel about the different kinds of body art ( piercings, tattoos, scars, etc )?
It's refreshing to see tastefully done body modifications, but I think you can go too far with it where it does irreparable damage to your body. I say I'm all for it, as long as the tattoo and the modification is done well and doesn't look like shit. Say it was a piercing, if it was done correctly and looks good on that person, then it's okay by me. Also, I have both my ears pierced to 12 gauge and a tattoo of a Scorpio glyph on my right arm.

20. Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?
I have a full beard, but it isn't long.

21. List your five most cherished possessions.
My computer, and four cigarettes.

22. How were you introduced to video games? What was the first game you played?
My brother-in-law used to babysit me, and when I was little, about three-years-old, was when I started playing Mario Brothers on the NES.

23. What are ten of your interests/hobbies?
Watching movies, listening to music, talking, videogames, web surfing, web design, image manipulation, 3D rendering, programming, web comics.

24. What is your favorite memory as a teenager?
Getting a job with the school board as an IT technician.

25. What was your favorite childhood television show?
Peewee's Playhouse.

26. How would you describe your personal style/sense of fashion/taste for life/artistic flair?
Hodgepodge.

27. List up to five movies you really like.
Hackers, the Matrix ( just the first one ), Anchorman, Run Ronnie Run, Step Brothers.

28. Why have you stuck with the sift for so long? Is there anything that has made you consider leaving the site?
I stay at the sift because generally people here have good taste, so I enjoy what I watch. Plus most people are really nice, it's a good atmosphere. Nothing's really made me consider leaving the site.

29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?
Me firin muh laz0rz.

30. What goals do you have as a Videosift member?
Publishing a video that I really enjoy.. Uhm. Self-entertainment? lol

31. Why do you upvote comments?
Usually because I agree with them or I find them funny.

32. What made you pick Obsidianfire as a username?
I mean look at it: obsidian fire. Imagine black fire, that's fucking awesome.

33. What are you afraid of?
Oddly enough, scorpions, and those fish that crawl into your weiner when you go pee in the Amazon.

34. Who do you respect the most on videosift?
Farhad or choggie. Farhad because he has a great mind and is pretty dedicated. Choggie 'cause he's got a great mind, he doesn't have a fear of being reprimended and tells it like it is in his mind. In other words he's got balls.

35. Does TCLC?
TCLTLRHC.

36. If you could go into the future, how far would you go? Would you go at all? What would you want to get out of traveling?
I'm always time traveling because by the time you're done reading this you will already be in the future. Oh wait, nevermind.

37. Cats, or dogs?
Cats.

38. When it comes to music, what are your tastes?
Rock, electronica.. That's it.

39. Have you ever done something incredibly girly like put your hair up in tiny pig tails, put on makeup, painted your nails, or tried on a skirt? ( for jokes, of course )
I did paint my nails and wear eyeliner one time. I was a total goth lawl.

40. What would your last meal, if you could plan ahead, look like?
Fried chicken, yellow rice, mashed potatoes, bacon, ranch, and stuffing, all mixed together.

41. If you could buy any computer you wish and have the money for it, what would you buy?
The best computer money could buy, period. [says in muffled voice] There's a headphone in my nose, lol. [continues to talk with it in place throughout the rest of the interview]

??. What is the answer to the ultimate question?
Fo Tee Tew.



Play nice. Also, who's selling the Obsidianfire figures? "Vender: On sale now, Obsidianfire action figures. Get 'em while they last."

the fineprint
Should you participate in this roast, please be aware that you will be added to the list of participants for the next roast ( you will be able to remove yourself, but you're put on there automatically ).

180 Comments

NeuralNoise says...

15. Thelemism or "Do what thou wilt"?
By Crowley?
I´m sure you are past all that because it sure seems more like
"Do what KKL wilt", by crawling.

ObsidianFire always has the last words on their talks, which are "sorry hun".
Either that or she will end up on her knees, saying "get out from under the bed right now you creep!"

rasch187 says...

40. What would your last meal, if you could plan ahead, look like?
Fried chicken, yellow rice, mashed potatoes, bacon, ranch, and stuffing, all mixed together.

Let me guess....you're American? How to solve world hunger - kill 5 Americans, ship their bodies to Africa and tell the natives it's a foreign delicacy with plenty of proteins.

blankfist says...

I know the roast of Justin Thyme (aka ObsidianFairy) hasn't started yet, but I wanted to say a couple things about that nerd. Unlike most people on here, I'm not scared of him actually knocking out a couple of my teeth or slicing my cheek open, because anyone who would make such a gay avatar for himself is not someone to fear. He is someone to ridicule.

For a time, the poor bastard was homeless. Let's just laugh at that for a while shall we? Hahahaha. Hey hippie, get a job! Stop making stupid uninteresting avatars pretending you have the chops to make it in the design world and do what everybody else without talent does: mop the floors at Hardees. While you're there you can tell them about your wonderful design ideas that will change the world, but in the meant time the floor ain't gonna mop itself.

But, enough about that turd, let's talk about someone way more important and way hotter! Let's talk about karkarlee. Why she chose to be with this talentless floor mopper is beyond me. I mean, how desperate do you have to be to find a jobless, homeless man attractive? Hey karkarlee, I've got a good job and a decent place in Brentwood, so anytime you're feeling that douchenozzle isn't cutting it, just give me a hollar.

rottenseed says...

oh...don't worry. I like you though. But I'm like that loser kid that has no friends that leeches onto anything that'll give him a chance to socialize with somebody other than his stuffed animals.


...I love Mr Bear-bear. He's my stuffed giraffe. Sorry for making this about me but even I find roasting myself more fun than roasting you.

my15minutes says...

29. Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?

his actual answer:
no. so i'll obscure every feature except the fact that i'm white and i cut my own hair.
with hedgetrimmers.
while blindfolded.

EDD says...

>> ^blankfist:
I just woke up in a pool of blood. My teeth had been knocked out. My cheek was slit. That's the last time I have sex with RottenSeed's mom.


>> ^kronosposeidon:
I came here only because I heard I could make some money. I'm a dentist.


Sensational - seems I was wrong, by pairing up kp and blankfist so that the former can get physical on the latter (again), it turns out this thread might actually not be a damn waste of everybody's time after all.

EDD says...

OK, first of all, since when is a Sift Roast a charity event? I mean, for fuck's sakes, this guy is so pathetic, making fun of people named Biggus Dickus is more challenging. Besides, I'm fairly certain we'll have exceed the total sum of all his lifetime verbal conversations ("Hi..." "Piss off!" x 237) in this thread by noon tomorrow.

I mean, the hardest thing is to decide where to start.

This man is so utterly lonely he tries to pass himself off as a geek, and fails spectacularly. I mean, how does one fail at GEEK, the one label losers like me and you all around the world use to comfort ourselves that there might be a community somewhere that accepts and appreciates us?
For one, he's boasting how he's at the computer all round the clock as if it's some WoW achievement (if it is, I say it's discriminatory, as it effectively singles out people with no lives). Take a look at his hobbies (#23) - I mean, wow, it takes some serious effort to exclusively come up with ones you only do on a computer. And come on, he added a fucking ® to both Photoshop© and Adobe™ (same exotic symbol twice in a row, loser), because everybody cares about indicating trademarks on the Series Of Tubes. It's serious business!

His 'picture', if one is blasphemous enough of photography by calling it that:
Apart from the fact that he might as well be Jessica Alba (we'll never know, his shaky camera skills are effing l33t), it's additionally cropped to show off pixelation and camera noise, there's a shitload of unnecessary blur and even a fucking lens flare effect for goodness' sakes! And did I mention how hip it is to take photos of yourself in outstretched hands? LONELYPHAIL15, man. By the way, when you say you wouldn't like to be Fart-Man, I urge you reconsider. There's advantages - you'd be more likely to score ladies than you are now, for one. Also, cops/people on the street might mistake you for an entertainer or a mascot every once in a while.

And I don't mean to nit-pick here, but what the hell is this guy doing here anyway? Obviously, he's implying that out of the 33 boring videos he's sifted (I suggest you go downvote all of them so that he doesn't get his hopes up), he's yet to enjoy any of them, as this remains his ultimate goal (#30). He mentions another, "self-entertainment", which is followed by "lol". Congratulations on achieving that second goal on such short notice. Although I do immensely pity karkarlee if you're equally easy to satisfy in other areas.

Finally,
>> ^karkarlee:
^ 32. What made you pick Obsidianfire as a username?
I mean look at it: obsidian fire. Imagine black fire, that's fucking awesome emo.

Here's an image of black fire for you. Since it's obviously the most awesomest thing ever for you, I hope you experience your very first orgasm over it. Then you might actually not feel too guilty while reassuring karkarlee for the hundredth time that you're very experienced in this secksing business.

Other roasters: here's your dessert.

rougy says...

obsidian (n): a volcanic glass which is one of the finest raw materials for the chipping of stone tools.

obsidianfire (n, vt): a burning venereal disease caused by taking too many big black peckers up the wazoo.

mas8705 says...

Sigh... I was ready to do some serious roasting, but sad thing is that even though he has been with us for about two years, he hasn't done anything...

After one year, most members could hit their gold star or even have 50 sifted videos, but I see this guys submittions and he hasn't even done 45 videos...

I know I said pride coming before the crash and burn, but this... man...

and not only that, you don't even keep a consistancy of what you post... some members have a type of sift they like to post, but when I saw your sifted videos, I couldn't even see anything that was related to each other...

Crosswords says...

With a name like Obsidianfire, a history of unwarranted bravado, and a Q&A list that reads just like another nerd trying to front like they’re hard shit, I actually feel kind of bad taking a whack at that glass you call an ego. And frankly I’m surprised not to find Fight Club among your list of favorite movies. I thought that movie was a top five requirement for every insecure dork who wished they were cute, cut like Brad Pitt, and had the moves of Bruce Lee. Well congratulations on bucking the trend, maybe there’s hope you won’t grow into quite the caricature you seem to be.

Kidding and cross words aside harhar I wish you and your lady the best, may we all be so lucky.

dotdude says...

A very warm welcome to our Roast Noobs: Crosswords, Don_Juan, EDD, laura, neuralnoise and rasch187!


Oh, in case folks missed Obsidianfire's challenge to all roasters, here it is:

http://parody.videosift.com/talk/Roast-IX-Begins-Friday#comment-487664

Also, while you're there, scroll down to review some handy links provided by EDD.


And for the real muckrakers, transcripts from JesterChat are available. You just need to register (yes, it's free) at meebo and do a search for the room:

http://www.meebo.com/

thinker247 says...

I'm not here to roast Obsidianfire...

I'm here to fuck Karkarlee.

I'm saying I'd really love to Zmx1ZmY= her cGlsbG93, even if it is illegal in 42 states.

I'm here to roast Obsidianfire, and not even mention his girlfriend at all, because that would be inappropriate and offensive, which is not the kind of humor we want here at the roast.

WARNING: The following message has not been approved by the FCC, Homeland Security, or President Cheney. Any and all remarks henceforth shall be referred to as "the jokes", and should not be construed as more than a feeble attempt by a bored Idahoan to garner laughter from his fellow computer-obsessed geeks, nerds and general cretins.

Commencing episode of "According to Jim" in 5...4...3...2...1

--
I'm kidding, of course. I know how OF gets when people mack on his chick, and if I wanted to be threatened by a bearded cave-dweller, I'd draw a cartoon about Muhammad for a Danish newspaper.

But seriously, how funny was that episode with moodonia? Only in the Internet age can a guy in America threaten a guy in Ireland about a girl in Finland...or wherever the hell [redacted] is?

And besides, how is OF going to hurt moodonia? Is he going to buy a ticket to Ireland? With his "money" that he gets from his "job?"

But anyway...

...

Jesus Christ, this roast is lame! I've had more laughs watching Schindler's List.

I've seen better roasters at a Kenny Rogers restaurant.

This is about as exciting as the George Carlin 2009 World Tour...and just as lively.

...

I see blankfist is here...from the trail of a$$ grav33 leading from the mens' bathroom to KP's mouth. I never thought I'd see the day when someone received herpes on the internet.

Choggie wanted to be here, but he's using his VS sabbatical to teach English to Thai schoolchildren. Or as KP calls it, "fishing."

Alright, enough about the losers here...Good night!

Just kidding. Really, you guys are all so great. Your comedy is like AIDS in Africa. Everybody hates it, but nobody does anything constructive to change it.

--

Alright, time to roast the Negro flamer. If OF can please leave his high-paying job for the night and let his wonderfully-supportive friends drive his Ferrari to his mansion, we'll begin.

Shit, what to say about a nobody like Obsidianfire?

First of all, I think we should discuss banning him for his self-posting of this video. Who knew El Flamer Negro was a homeless black guy with schizophrenia, who thinks he has a [redacted] who loves him? BANNED.

Secondly, I think OF is actually Paul Reubens, aka "Pee Wee Herman." How do I know this? Well, OF states that his favorite show was Pee-Wee's Playhouse. OF is from Clearwater, Florida, and Pee Wee was arrested in Sarasota, Florida for jerking off in an adult theatre. The two cities are very close to each other. Either he's actually Paul Reubens, or he was raped by Pee-Wee Herman. This could also explain why he defends his "[redacted]" so strongly. Keep up those appearances, right Pee-Wee? I mean, OF?

Obsidianfire thinks he's hot shit because he makes his avatars with Photoshop. Oh yeah, OF, it's really tough to copy a design from the internet, then crop it into a 100KB avatar. Look at me, I'm a "graphic designer!" I have a "[redacted]!" ...let me tell you something, OF. MS paint, a bottle of lube, a box of Kleenex and a tiny flaccid penis would make me just like you.

But to be nice, I must admit that you're a really good guy, OF. I mean, some people here are mocking you for being an old-school sifter, yet only having a few videos up. But they don't understand how hard it is to find an internet connection in a crack house while trying to give your landlord a reach around.

And besides, it's not about quantity, it's about quality. And I'm sure when you finally meet [redacted] in person, [redacted] will repeat that to you...in bed...before [redacted] dumps you for some Finnish soap opera star.

*takes a bow*

Obsidianfire says...

>> ^thinker247:
I'm not here to roast Obsidianfire...
I'm here to fuck Karkarlee.
I'm saying I'd really love to Zmx1ZmY= her cGlsbG93, even if it is illegal in 42 states.

For a thinker you've really got your mind tangled around this whole roasting concept. I'm the roastee, karkarlee is the Mistress of Ceremonies. You insult the roaster, not the MC. Inappropriate.

thinker247 says...

How rude of me. I didn't mean to be offensive, especially in a roast.

It was meant to be a joke about the mini-feud between you and moodonia, but whatever. I'll color inside the lines if I'm supposda.

Editing my comment now.

>> ^Obsidianfire:
>> ^thinker247:
I'm not here to roast Obsidianfire...
I'm here to fuck Karkarlee.
I'm saying I'd really love to Zmx1ZmY= her cGlsbG93, even if it is illegal in 42 states.
For a thinker you've really got your mind tangled around this whole roasting concept. I'm the roastee, karkarlee is the Mistress of Ceremonies. You insult the roaster, not the MC. Inappropriate.

MarineGunrock says...

>> ^Obsidianfire:
>> ^thinker247:
I'm not here to roast Obsidianfire...
I'm here to fuck Karkarlee.
I'm saying I'd really love to Zmx1ZmY= her cGlsbG93, even if it is illegal in 42 states.
For a thinker you've really got your mind tangled around this whole roasting concept. I'm the roastee, karkarlee is the Mistress of Ceremonies. You insult the roaster, not the MC. Inappropriate.



*Discard
You just don't belong on the internet.

MarineGunrock says...

Why don't I add something?

Because the Roastee doesn't deserved to be roasted. He can't take a joke. Why would I want to take my time to craft a witty comment about a guy that downvotes and takes offense to one of the only well-written JOKES on this thread?

gwiz665 says...

Black fire is something you get at a whorehouse in Bronx.


So, Obsidianfire, Karkarlee, a monkey, a frog, a goat and three babies walk into a talentscouts office and say "We have an amazing family act for you..."

Obsidianfire says...

Cool then MarineGunrock, a roast is something you participate if you actually like the roastee. It's not where you join because you can insult the guy you don't like and get away with it. If ya'll wanna sit there and talk about how I was ALMOST homeless, fine. I find it funny. If you wanna talk about my religious beliefs, my hobbies, my looks, age, race, pretty much anything.. I'll be laughing right along with you. But when someone mentions fucking my girlfriend after the shitstorm in that playgirl sift, they should know better. If that's the only joke you can tell, you can't tell jokes. And if you think, "I want to fuck karkarlee" is the one of the only well-written jokes on this thread, and not the original shit you can't come up with, then you have a problem. There are limits to what you can and cannot say in a roast. Thinker apologized to me in private. I respect him for that. But for you to go flapping your gun-toting shit-sandwich-eating mouth, for that I'm gone. If you don't like me, then why the fuck are you here? A roast is a ceremony of respecting the roastee by ragging on them, not a place for you to get off on insulting someone you truly don't like because your dildo-toting girlfriend won't let you get a word in any discussion. Fuck you all (except the select few. You know who you are.)
Enjoy the sift without my presence anymore.

thinker247 says...

Children, children. Can't we all just get along? Like Rodney King and the business end of four police nightsticks? Or as MG calls it, "an orgy."

I apologized for offending OF and KKL, but I didn't apologize for the joke itself. It was meant to be a joke and they didn't see it that way. So I apologized for their reaction, not my intent. My intent was harmless, even if the beginning of my joke really was shocking. I thought that was the point, so I added it. I think it was funny, only because I've never met these people, so it's not like I'm telling my best friend that I want to fuck his girlfriend, when she's standing right next to me. That would just be wrong. Especially because my friends are fat video game addicts who have no girlfriends.

So I stand by my apology to OF and KKL, but I also stand by the intent of my joke. I understand their reaction, but I respectfully disagree with them.

On that note, let's all kiss and make up. Or as blankfist calls it, "the family reunion."

Forward with the roast, motherfuckers!

blankfist says...

First defensive roastee evar! Imagine watching the Bob Saget Roast and seeing Bob crack Jeff Ross across the mouth for making inappropriate Olsen Twin jokes. Let's all cool our heels and relax. This is supposed to be fun (and incredibly mean), and if you have a personal beef with the pick of the roastee (gunner, I'm looking at you), you're being an ass by saying it here.

So, let's shake it off, put on a smile and get back to making fun of this douchebag, ObsidianFairy, and anyone else in the room, even karkarlee. It's a roast. No one is safe.

thinker247 says...

And if anybody knows about threatening the safety of everybody in the room, it's blankfist. There's a reason he's not allowed within 50 feet of a playground anymore.

>> ^blankfist:
First defensive roastee evar! Imagine watching the Bob Saget Roast and seeing Bob crack Jeff Ross across the mouth for making inappropriate Olsen Twin jokes. Let's all cool our heels and relax. This is supposed to be fun (and incredibly mean), and if you have a personal beef with the pick of the roastee (gunner, I'm looking at you), you're being an ass by saying it here.
So, let's shake it off, put on a smile and get back to making fun of this douchebag, ObsidianFairy, and anyone else in the room, even karkarlee. It's a roast. No one is safe.

MarineGunrock says...

OF, it appears that you're the one stuck on the "fucking your girl" thing. I was referring to the whole joke. And the fact that it was obviously a joke relating to your bloated and extremely pathetic reaction to another joke on the internet is what makes me say you can't take a joke. Crack jokes all you want about my girlfriend. It doesn't bother me. Why should it? You're a random person on the fucking INTERNET.

My first few comments were meant to be light-heated, and I see you and Karkarlee took them that way - you voted for them.
I was ready to live and let live about the whole "slice your cheek" fiasco, but apparently your lesson in not taking shit seriously on the INTERNET never sank in.

I don't dislike you or anyone here. Hell, even rougy and I can crack jokes together. What I don't like is that you get uppity and defensive about shit on the INTERNET.

dotdude says...

OK, so now we’ve had the “Crying Game.” No OF, we don’t need to see THAT.

Wow, look at all that love displayed here. It just makes you want to choke like when I read the description of your last meal request - all stirred together?!? So, I suppose you’re from the school of thought that believes “it all goes to the same place.” Well I guess it comes down to what you’re used to . . . so did you grow up on casseroles or dumpster diving? At least you know not to mix your poisons. Although I’d have to wonder what a milk- Mountain Dew -Jack Daniels combo would taste like? On second thought, nanh.

Actually, OF, with some of the things said around here, you might want to worry about the passes made at you. Who knows what’s at the other end of your sticky keyboard. Some of them might even think their SiftBot’s gift to the Internet.

Now about that super power you requested, “invisibility” . . . . I believe some sifters may have already granted you that ability. And if they haven’t already, you might just ask them. Wow, you could speak freely. That might get kind of lonely, though, just you and SiftBot talking. Oh wait, you got your girl, too. Y’all could be the three amigos.

Your list of prized possessions should make moving fairly easy. Of course four of them require constant replacing. By now you’ve smoked them already. Let us know when you’re back from the Kwicky Mart.

VideoSift is self-entertainment, eh? I guess your self-entertainment needs to be plugged in – oh wait . . . . Moving on to things you are afraid of . . . wow, you would have to go out of your way to find scorpions or candiru. Since you brought up the candiru and concern for your wiener, didn’t you read your article that you’d have to be urinating in the Amazon River. But then the article argues why that wouldn’t really work either – urine stream velocity and problem of pure urine, or so it says. OK, I don’t want to keep beating this joke and all. No, I wasn’t talking about your . . . nevermind . . .

I’ll leave the donkey in the bathtub alone. It’s just a donkey . . .

OK, I’m still scanning your hodgepodge of information . . . so much to play with, so little time. I have to leave something for the others to mess with.

Next . . .

rasch187 says...

>> ^Obsidianfire:
Fuck you all (except the select few. You know who you are.)
Enjoy the sift without my presence anymore.


Well, well, well...looks like Mr. Sensitive can't take a joke. I've experienced this before with homeless people. Once I tried out a joke on a pathetic, old homeless close to where I live. All I did was soak her in lighter fluid and set her on fire...you know, to get a funny picture we could laugh at later, but Mrs. Sensitive wasn't a jokester so she just ended up dead. Is any of this getting through to you, Obsidian?!

thinker247 says...

My comment about MG's Condi love doll has more upvotes than my original roast, so...

Never. This roast will never be kicked off. It will be the last survivor of Survivor: VideoSift Island, and it will dance naked around a campfire, then be arrested for tax evasion. It will outlast the cockroaches, yet it will never officially be kicked off.

It will be the eternal Sanjaya of roasts.

It will be the football sitting on the tee, waiting for some Scandinavian midget to start the Super Bowl. But the final score will be 0-0, because it will never, ever, be kicked off.

>> ^blankfist:
When are we kicking off this roast, by the way?

thinker247 says...

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

MrFisk says...

I can't believe this homeless hobo! I hear he's a Quaker still wearing Reebok pumps. His hobbies are less fun than sleeping on glass. His appearance is a personal affront to monkeys and Charles Bukowski. Too young to know shit and too old make something work. Cheer up, Ray Carver struck it by 55! And I'm pretty sure I've already shagged your wench (No offense either one of yous) in the parking lot of Fat Burger back in 96.

dotdude says...

In light of the premature evacuation of our MC and Roastee, I will close this Roast at this 72-hour mark. It has been over seventeen hours since the last comment by a roaster, so I will assume no other roasters planned to speak.

Thank you to all the sifters that participated.


Rest in Peace, Roast IX.


We are now in Post Roast.

thinker247 says...

Oops, wrong banination request. I want you to ban blankfist, sifty. Because he took my place as last comment! Do it now!

>> ^siftbot:
karkarlee cannot be banned because star accounts are immune to banination - ignoring ban request by thinker247.

dotdude says...

rotty, not only did I make my rebuttal, I even went back to post a retort to latecomer karaidl.

http://parody.videosift.com/talk/The-Official-Roast-of-Dotdude

We currently leave the finish up to the MC and Roastee. There is no hard and fast 48 hours or 72 hours. The admins have asked us to limit stickies to 48 hours. The process for one of these evolves each time we do one.

That said, we are noticing that the majority of sifters who make their MAIN REMARKS do so within the 48 hours that the sticky is in effect.

In this instance our MC and Roastee did not stick to what they had planned and left the Roast in limbo.

thinker247 says...

And where is choggie? He said he'd go see Nine Inch Nails, then close on Sunday.

OF, KKL and Choggie wilted faster than blankfist's penis when he sees a beautiful woman.

This roast was like a baby born with a hole in its heart, only more sad and less funny.

Is it just me and the crickets in here, now? Christ.

blankfist says...

STOP POSTING! STOP IT! LASTEST! LASTEST! Siftbot wanted me to warn everyone that if you post anymore comments below this point, he will remove a star point for every comment. I'm just saying, you know, like... it's siftbot and he don't play, so I'd listen to him. LASTEST EVER IN THE UNIVERSE!

mas8705 says...

This was a boring Roast... I don't think fire ever defended himself...

All talk and no action... sad...

P.S. Stop saying last! that has gone on for the last 10-20 comments... leave it as it is...
...
last...

EndAll says...

last

comment after this and u will contract the swine flu in seventeen days

copy and paste this and send it to 5 llamas and a golden monkey to ensure your survival

Send this Article to a Friend



Separate multiple emails with a comma (,); limit 5 recipients






Your email has been sent successfully!

Manage this Video in Your Playlists

New Blog Posts from All Members