~ PREPARE YE for the Roast of neuralnoise ~

The roast of neuralnoise will begin Friday afternoon, whenever I get around to starting it. I’m not in a particular hurry, because lately you have all been very lame at your roast comment attempts so I don’t anticipate being highly entertained enough to get excited.

How do you roast a guy when all you know about him is that the image he represents himself with looks like a man trapped in an ovum actively being attacked by spermatozoa?

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…you ask him all kinds of deep, probing, meaningful questions in an attempt to glean a morsel of ammunition from his answers, that’s how.

Turns out Renato here has been quietly asking for this for years, now by the roll of the almighty die he’s on the spit. (He didn’t really fight being tied up and stuffed with herbs, either…I think he liked it.)

Here he gives us plenty of wonderful insights into his world:

What do you do when you are not at the computer?
these days, usually taking care of little Lucia or sleeping. Could add tv but I watch it mostly trough my pc connected to a big lcd tv, so it would count as a computer

What is your favorite of your posted videos?

What is your favorite video on videosift?
Can´t remember anymore. But living in Brazil, I blame videosift on my addiction to Maher, Colbert and Stewart bits

Favorite comment on videosift?
confess you are asking these questions only to make fun of my alzheimer-ridden brain

How many avatars have you had since being a member? What were (are) they?
I only remember this last one, the underwater force-field. I stoped changing avatars after someone complained they only remebered "faces" but not names. Seemed fair.

What three sites do you visit most often?
Gmail, Blogger and Google Reader. Seems I´m a Google bitch.

What is your ratio of pairs of shoes to underwear?
Way more underwear then shoes. I wonder what it means.

What is something you did as a teen that you parents never learned about?
Illicit substances and a (unrelated) car crash that easily could have killed me

You’re forced to pick one of the Spice Girls to live with you for a year for a reality show. You’ll be paid a million dollars. Which one’s it gonna be: Scary, Posh, Baby, Ginger, or Sporty?
I can´t remember them, so I´d pick the one who is not married to beckham.

Are you a tits, ass, or legs man?
I am a man with no tits. Usually I like my women to sport all of those, but who knows? maybe when I age I´ll get into amputee fetish.

What kind of pet(s) do you have? Include name(s).
two cats, Mao-Tse-Tung and Lacan

What is your most frequented source of news?
The Onion. Actually, all the stuff in my reader.

What is your beverage (poison) of choice?
If i had to pick one, I´d say Hemlock. otherwise, straight whisky, bloody mary, red wine and beer.

Have you ever been arrested?
yes, in a really dumb way. No jail time. Why did I enter that rock concert with stuff in my pocket, thinking I´d be safe because I had VIP area passes, I´ll never know. Oh, I Know. because I´m dumb.

What’s your go-to move for making a good first impression?
I try to be quiet for as long as I can

How would you describe your coif: bangs, balding or rug?
receding rug I guess, but I ain´t too familiar with hair lingo

Is your face clean-shaven or do you have a beard, a goatee or a mustache?
I hate shaving, so I´ll clean shave and let it grow until I can´t bear the itchiness. Sometimes I´ll go for Asimov´s sideburns, but as they aren´t white, people thinks they are wolverine´s.

Do you have any image(s) of yourself online that you're willing to share?
sure. how about this most misleading one:

List your five most cherished possessions.
my books, my mp3s, all limbs, a statue of an owl and hair

Your thoughts on religion using exactly ten words:
If god existed then religion would be it´s sworn enemy

What is your favorite memory?
Snowboarding or the birth of my daughter.

What is your personal best embarrassing/awkward moment?
I tend to get awkwardly embarrassed too often.

I’m replacing the “Who do you respect most on videosift?” question with this one:
It’s 17 years from now and peggedbea, throbbin, obsidianfire, ornthoron, xxovercastxx, jonny, dghandi & siftbot all became millionaires producing a film together. One of them WILL be dating your daughter, which one will it be?

If I can have a say, Siftbot of course!

Do you upvote comments more for their originality, sense of humor, or self-deprecation?
Sense of humour, wit and charm, usually I´ll settle for either one.

Are you a lover or a fighter?
I´m a lover but my women like to fight. me.

Do you feel you are the same in real life and on videosift?
I learned people are different when speaking a different language, so I´m different in portuguese. Because of that, in a way, yes.

What do you think people’s impression of you is?
An acid guy, funny in a non-intentional way, who would rather lose the friend instead of missing a joke opportunity

If you had a time machine what is the one thing you definitely without question would never ever do?
visit the past. There is no way it wouldn´t create screwy paradoxes.

If you could choose your own way of death, what would it be?
a really high altitude jump without a parachute, on acid and viagra, in my oldest age, having sex on the way down, coming right before impact and splattering a crowd.

What is your most sacred personal rant?
I have many, many pet peeves. lately, xenon headlights.

What is your favorite color?
black, even if you argue it is not really a color.

What do you think of the phrase “it’s all in your head”?
it usually refer to cuckolds´foreheads

If you had one super human power, what would it be? Which ability would you be least likely to choose?
I´d choose healing factor. The least likely would be Aquaman´s ability to talk to fish.

What are your experiences with Mac OS, Windows, and Linux? Which do you use now?
I use windows, but have used macs in the past and like it. Still, franken-pcs give you more bang for your buck. And i like games.

Have you ever made your wife spontaneously cuss in another language when making love?
yes, so much that she only stopped when the exorcist prayed.

If you were going to be arrested and imprisoned for 20 years no matter what you did, what would you do to go out with a bang ( or without one )?
I´d have that hemlock drink.

How do you feel about the different kinds of body art (piercings, tattoos, scars, etc)? Don’t lie, either~ you can’t hide from this…

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why do I post these things. I like tattoos, but not in the face, piercings but not in the genitals and I confess I like my scars. Some bad memories but they also remind me I lived.

How were you introduced to video games? What was the first game you played?
my first console was an Atari, my first computer was an apple ][. The first game was pong.

What are ten of your interests/hobbies?
Writing, reading. gaming, sleeping, parenting, stoning, snowboarding, drinking, travelling and sleeping, again.

List up to five movies you really like.
The godfather, la jeteé, fight club, the piano teacher, Pi.

List five movies you really hate.
I keep trying to forget them.

Why have you stuck with the sift for so long? Is there anything that has made you consider leaving the site?
I never actually left the sift but I´ve been estranged from it, lack of time mostly. I stay for the comments, lots of smart people with interesting perspectives, except for the roasters crew.

What made you pick neuralnoise as a username?
In my cyberpunk days I was in love with both Neuromancer and White Noise.

What are you afraid of? As in, what would make you lose Fear Factor?
Big fangy spiders, I guess. Except the little jumping spiders, which I find cute.

Who are the Legion of Douche?
A Legion of people who keep their women intrinsecally clean?

When it comes to music, what are your tastes?
My playlist: Gogol Bordello, Godspeed you black emperor!, the Faint, placebo, billie holliday, ramones, joy division, richie hawtin and tchaikowsky

Are you a habitual cross-dresser? Ever flirted with it and worn ladies clothes of any kind?
No, never thought of cross-dressing but I envy the scots, the kilt-skirt thing seems REALLY comfortable

What would your last meal, if you could plan ahead, look like?
Magic Mushrooms, sauteed on acid and hemp butter, sprinkled with DMT .

If you could buy a single item, of any choice, which would it be?
a jetpack

If you could have someone assassinated today, who would it be and why (if anyone)?
There are many who deserve it but no one I would actually assassinate. But I could easily change my mind here given the proper motive - such as revenge or to prevent torture, massacres, mutilation etc.

Who is your enemy?
Death. I´m with Aubrey de Grey on this one.

Who is your best friend/sifter?
you. Schmawy rules but he is the sift’s bitch, I mean, sweetheart

Would you change anything about your life or is it a masterpiece as it stands?
Sure. I´d like to be filthy rich.

State secrets to divulge?
I´d have to kill you. ALL of you.

You're in the animation business (http://tsi3d.com/) what would you do with/at your job but can’t because you’d get fired, if anything?
I´m a partner, along with my brother. Basically we can´t fire each other. But if I could say to the clients what I think, there would be no business left.

Your views on politics using exactly ten words:
I´m very bitter for acknowledging the impossibility of building utopias

You’re almost 40 years old. What’s your mid-life crisis going to look like?
god damn you. I take back the best sifter thing. I´m 5 years away from 40 and plan to have a crisis at 50 only. Man I´m gonna look silly.

Which of your PQ'ed videos has been most unfairly neglected?
I confess there is some stuff there only for volume and starpoints, and others that I don´t understand why they haven´t sifted. But why this weird one has only one vote, the reason escapes me: http://www.videosift.com/video/It-never-stops-in-the-first-lick

Which sift-geists (fads on the sift) have you loved/hated?
I liked the book ones and the entertaining story ones.

When and why did you join videosift? Instant poster or did you lurk first?
I joined in 2007, after quite some time lurking, because I wanted to vote.

Admit it, you’re a masochist, aren’t you?
I guess so. I´m also a daddy-blogger in a world of mommy-blogs. The url is www.diariogravido.com.br . I started with the unexpected announcement of my girlfriends pregnancy and have been writing ever since.

I thought I liked him before I asked him all of those questions, now I REALLY like him, so be gentle…he’s a fragile masterpiece of art.
…who happens to look amazingly like wolverine (*ahem, photoshop, hint hint*) and makes beautiful babies.
Also, it would thrill me to see some of you actually learn some good insults in Portuguese with this one, ok? Great, thanks in advance even though I know you’ll disappoint me.

Here’s a few more tidbits I came up with for ‘yall:

His inaugural roast comment:

>> ^rasch187:
40. What would your last meal, if you could plan ahead, look like?
Fried chicken, yellow rice, mashed potatoes, bacon, ranch, and stuffing, all mixed together.

Let me guess....you're American? How to solve world hunger - kill 5 Americans, ship their bodies to Africa and tell the natives it's a foreign delicacy with plenty of proteins.

>> ^NeuralNoise:
Rasch, you are so evil!
That would give diabetes to the whole African continent...

Other neuralnoise comment gems:

My personal favorites of his contributions to the sift:

So, study up! …and if you know anything else interesting about this guy, this is the place to share it. Otherwise, STFU until Friday.

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