Dead Animals and The Sift: Why I am a Vegetarian

Until I was about 23 I ate meat. I had a normal British diet of meat, vegetables, instant noodles and 80% confectionery.

Then I ate a bad prawn curry and spent the following week shitting blood and snot, as my entire stomach lining exited my arsehole in tiny spurts, every 10 minutes.

Fearing death, I just instinctively lost all desire to eat meat after that. It started as pure instinct.

Then... when I was once again able to keep babyfood inside me for more than 20 seconds, I did some research on the internet, and came to the conclusion that animals suffer enormously from modern meat production, and that humans suffer from the pollution and bad quality food.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE meat eaters, this is not an attack on you, I think you're wonderful people. Except that you pay to have genetically freakish animals tortured, killed, skinned, chopped, packaged and delivered to your town.

Around about now some of you might be saying "oh how do you get (insert sciencey sounding nutrient here) in your diet?"

Whatever dude!!!! You carry on eating your fucked up processed and artificially coloured sugar/salt/meat diet and keep deluding yourself that you get more vitamins and protein than I do. Keep telling yourself that driving to a McDonalds is "natural" whereas eating leaves is "for rabbits".

People think that vegetarianism is outdated. This makes me sad. You fuckers eat so much meat and get so much diabetes, the need for vegetarianism has never been more relevant.

People don't know that the meat and cereal lobbies influenced the "food pyramid". This makes me sad.

When I went veg, it was an individual thing... I didn't initially care what anyone else ate, I would say "go ahead, can i cook you a hotdog or something?"..... until i found out just how much meat production pollutes the planet, and stuffs food into highly inefficient meat producing units called "cows" instead of feeding humans with it. Not to mention the whole thing with the sheeps brains and the cows that start walking backwards.

So hi there meat eaters, and a big fuck you! Especially if you eat meat and whine about "carbon quotas" or some such bullshit. You really think all that vitamin B12 is worth it? Should I be happy about paying for your second coronary bypass operation?

Ahhhh.... but it TASTES nice and you are (as I am) a hypocrite. Just admit it, instead of telling me I look thin. OK?

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