I've noticed that the stars seem to be rather unfairly distributed around here. A handful of sifters have over 1000 stars while many have only a few dozen or hundred, and the vast majority haven't even a single star to their name. Its almost as if we are split into distinct classes; the vast majority existing in a state of poverty – beggars, killers, devoid of any meaningful invocation, and resented for their burden on siftbot’s resources; a broad, hard working middle class with a respectable standard of promotion; and a brutal, unrelenting ruling class who has concentrated all the channels and stars in their greedy hands.

It is for these reasons, that we as sifters, in order to form a more perfect Sift, establish a fair and balanced top 15, insure channel tranquility, provide for a common defense against trolls, promote the general queue, and secure the blessings of Dag to our ourselves and our power points, should establish the following system of fair distribution:

0-10 stars earned in the last year: 10%
10-25 stars earned in the last year: 15%
25-50 stars earned in the last year: 25%
50-100 stars earned in the last year: 28%
250-500 stars earned in the last year: 33%
Over 500 stars earned in the last year: 35%

The stars collected from each years earnings shall then be re-distributed to those living star to star, who can hardly afford to sift a video a week. I think you will find these brackets fair and equitable, as those earning the most stars can surely afford to part with such a pittance of their yearly bounty.

Furthermore, in light of these tough times, I also move that we construct with haste a script to generate 10,000 new stars; to be sent out as a stimulus to help those in need of an increase in the size of their queues. By giving these lower-class sifters an fair start, they will have an equal chance at bringing themselves out of the sad ranks of the unsiftables, the un-starred and scarlet P's.

A couple of sifters recently asked me about having another roast. Given the turnover in active sifters, in the last eight months, I'm starting the list from scratch. So, if you are interested in participating, please add your name to this thread and say "I'm IN."

All willing sifters are welcome!

DEADLINE: midnight CST, Sunday, June 28th, 2009.

I will update the list as additions are made.

THE JESTER


Roasting Crew:

alien_concept
berticus
blankfist
burdturgler
Crosswords
deputydog
dotdude
EDD
gorgonheap
gwiz665
Haldaug
JiggaJonson
kulpims
laura
MarineGunrock
MrFisk
NeuralNoise
Ornthoron
peggedbea
rasch187
rottenseed
rougy
Sagemind
schmawy
Shepppard
therealblankman
Throbbin
vairetube

UPDATED: Fri 6-26-09 6:00:08 PM CST

I'm having trouble with the embed for a video from The Onion. The embed code comes up as being valid, but doesn't seem to work properly.

My post is here: http://www.videosift.com/video/17-Year-Old-Champion-Gymnast-Euthanized

The original ONN video is here: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gymnast_shawn_johnson_put_to?utm_source=nav

Can anyone help with this? Some tips or tricks I could use? Has anyone else had any difficulty posting from The Onion lately?

I am pleased to announce that the Talks channel will not be changing management in any near future. There will be no changes during this stationary period.

I've been proud to hold the channel for so long, but now I think it's time to pass it on to me.

I'm happy to have been selected by me to succeed me in this noble task and hope you will join me in making talks the best channel it can be.

http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2009/05/05/best-worst-star-trek.html

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Maybe..."

http://www.leveloneboss.com/2009/04/south-parks-top-20-funniest-clips-about.html (NSFW too) from http://digg.com/gaming_news/South_Park_s_Top_20_Funniest_Clips_About_Video_Games_VIDS

"Who would have thought that after all this time, Trey Parker & Matt Stone's creation would still be (a) hilarious, (b) relevant, and (c) consistently brilliant? Here are The 20 Funniest Video Game Scenes From South Park on one page."

Between (om nom) NOM's very hetero 2M4M adultfriendfinder campaign and Fox's Teabaggin' testicle festival, conservative PR campaigns seem to be undergoing a hip edgy and tech savvy renaissance.

Feel free to post your own Republican PR campaign concepts below. This is one of the ideas I've been working on:

The Dirty Sanchez Anti-Immigrant Rally

Are you sick of foreigners taking all the good produce picking/day labor jobs? Are you offended by languages that aren't English? Do you have a low tolerance for spicy food? Then join Sean Hannity on May 5th for the Dirty Sanchez Anti-Immigrant Rally. And, to prove to the world that we are not just a flock of xenophobic morons, we will be painting mustaches on our faces to show our solidarity with Hispanic Fox News reporter, Geraldo Rivera.

"Michael Bay is well known for the child-like glee with which he infuses every over-the-top, ridiculous action scene he directs. He is truly an auteur, and the naive innocence which he brings to his directing can make most any stupid movie romp enjoyable. Unfortunately, hoping to cement his artistic credibility by landing that coveted writer/director credit a la Clint Eastwood, Bay also decided to try his hand at writing screenplays. And due to my elite Hollywood status as a quasi-respectable internet comedian, I of course had access to this attempt, and due to my shaky moral compass, I of course decided to post a few excerpts of it for you here:"

http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/transformers2script_long11.gif

(Robert Brockway's blog on Cracked.com)

http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2009/04/03/10-clips-of-video-games-acted-out-in-real-life/ from http://digg.com/gaming_news/10_Clips_of_Video_Games_Acted_Out_in_Real_Life ...

As many have heard, there is a strange injustice happening to videos everywhere. Apparently videos are being imprisoned unfairly as most of them are innocent and are active contributors to society.

Inside sources are comparing the travesty to the likes of “Guantánamo Bay” and Auschwitz. Many of these videos long to be free to again live in harmony beside their friends and family in on-line communities and channels again.

Please help release these videos from what experts are now calling “Siftánamo.” A place so dire, that the longer they are in there, the less likely they will ever see the light of day again!

These poor videos have been grouped into individual Cells now being called PQueues, A barbaric term that many videos will remember for the rest of their lives. Each queue is individually named in order to keep them secret.

Help us name them all so we can identify these prisons and free as many of these poor videos as possible.

Here is the one I have found, I’m sure that everyone here can name at least one of these deadly prisons. So Sifters unite and stand up and help release these videos from the dreaded PQueue. (List your PQueues below)

http://www.videosift.com/member/Sagemind/pqueued

I'll let the article do the talking, because frankly, I'm still busy wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16158_11-most-unintentionally-gay-rap-lyrics-ever.html

Sample:
Eminem: "Don't Push Me"

The Lyric:
"Man I'm done saying that I'm done playing, I'ma start laying any of these motherfucking cocksuckers."

What He's Probably Saying:
"No joke, my patience is exhausted and now I'm gonna start shooting people."

What We Like To Think He's Saying:
"Seriously, I'm gonna start having sex with dudes."

It's the whole fucking base:

http://www.starcraft2.com/features/terran/terratron.xml

peggedbea left a rude, personal attack on my page:

"kentucky called, they need you to go back and mouth rape your cousins some more. theyre sick of watching her eat."

So I called a Siftquisition on her, as she broke FAQ 33:

"Please avoid personal attacks. It's okay to criticize ideas but refrain personal insults."

Granted, I also broke the rule, and in response she could have called a Siftquisition. But she did not. Instead, she retorted by breaking the rule. So I called a Siftquisition on her for it. And what happened?

It was deleted and I was hobbitted by gwiz665.

He says this on my profile:

You have been hobbled, do not continue your abuse of the sift. Thank you.
"Do Not call a Siftquistion for:

* a violation by a probationary account (they may be instabanned, banned in Sift Talk, or brought to the attention of an admin)
* minor infractions
* personal reasons
* retaliation
* practical jokes

Be aware that overzealous or spurious Siftquisitions are themselves violations and may result in the Siftquisitioner being Siftquisitioned

However, I did not break that rule when I Siftquisitioned peggedbea. I had valid reason, as stated here:

Call a Siftquisition to bring an established member before the community for a hearing because of:
a violation of the VideoSift guidelines

Therefore, I demand that I be unhobbitted, and allowed to rejoin the Fellowship of the Sift.

Taco Bell Launches New 'Morning After' Burrito

"Taco Bell officials are excited about the offering. 'In the past, before Roe v. Wade, young women literally had to 'make a run for the border' to terminate an unwanted pregnancy,' Taco Bell public relations director Grant Lesko said. 'But now, women can make that same run for the border at over 7,300 convenient locations right in their own hometowns.'"

"'We are in no way advocating any particular view on this most sensitive of issues,' he said. 'We simply want to offer this option. And, of course, we fully respect our customers who decide to carry their babies to term. In fact, I'd like to point out that Taco Bell offers a wide variety of non-contraceptive menu items that can provide the crucial nutrients—such as mild sauce, shredded cheddar and beef—that a growing fetus needs to develop properly.'"

This is a serious, serious disappointment, but it's time for another Siftquisition.

Apparently, member 02230 decided to go on a downvoting spree of member 14439's videos. All of the videos were downvoted within seconds of each other, so I believe this to be a very clear abuse of the member's downvote privileges.

The FAQ clearly forbids this sort of action:

"Please do not down vote a video because you dislike the Sifter who submitted it; this is entirely unacceptable. Instead, vote solely based on the quality of video content."

In a valiant effort to offset member 02230's abusive downvotes, members 72283 and 05822 have upvoted all of member 14439's downvoted videos. I would like to thank members 72283 and 05822... whoever they may be. And I hope the best for 14439, whoever he may be.

The ball is in your court, Sift-public. Do with him (her?) what you will. God bless. And good night.